Friday, September 30, 2011
!!!
Hahaha... they say boys are not smiling... neither are girls o! This picture just cracked me up:
Cloudy Friday Already!
30th September... the last day of the first of the 'ber' months is here and it's a Friday, yay! As usual I'm going to have fun spending this lovely Friday... all by myself. Weird? It isn’t o. Why do people find it weird that I love spending more than half of my time alone? I enjoy my company (& Agnes’) so much more than when I’m with people… if that’s weird, then *throws hands in the air* guilty as charged!
Y’all remember Josef? My lawyer friend? Yeah? We got into an argument yesterday… can’t remember the root of the argument sef (forgive my short memory)… the point anyways was that, if all my friends left me and somehow I couldn’t get on the internet and all my family members (at least those who matter!) are somewhere far away… how would I survive?! Simple, I will survive noni! Not that I don’t place a lot of importance on friendships, I do… but it just is not hard for me to be all by myself, indoors! I remember when my cousin-cum-ex-roommate shipped her fine ass to Chicago, I was in that room alone for 3 months (can’t believe I’ve stayed in school for that long a period!)… it was a routine of going to class and heading straight back home. Did I get bored?! Hell no! (Not that I didn’t miss your crazy ass, Bims, I did and still do…) No visiting, no visitors! Yup, I can be a recluse like that!
So Josef and I ended the argument somehow, I won tho *grins*. LMAO! I just increased the volume of the TV, and this musical video is on… “girl, I love you so, you be like Chocomilo”… hahaha! You go fear lyrics! Chocomilo ko, baba dudu ni! Tsew. Girls have suffered sef… all these pick-up lines that our poor dear ears have to endure virtually everyday, it’s a wonder how some girls haven’t committed suicide sef! Serious o! You’ll hear some pick-up lines like this, you go look yourself from up to down; especially in this Boko Haram era that we’re in now, one guy will come and tell you “Your father must be a terrorist cos you’re the bomb” Al’akoba! Because of one boy’s stupid pick-up line now, they’ll arrest one girl’s father… smh!
Back to the fact that it’s Friday… it’s looking like tis gonna rain again; I see plenty Friday night plans getting ruined *evil grin*. Ntoi! Learn to sit at home like me!
*** Yesterday, friend of mine discovered I can type fast on phone… and he made me type “I’m sexy and I know it” … so that got me inspired today, I’m starting my Friday almost-evening with LMFAO’s Sexy And I Know It… (cos I am, and I’m aware!)
LMFAO - Sexy and I Know It
Y’all remember Josef? My lawyer friend? Yeah? We got into an argument yesterday… can’t remember the root of the argument sef (forgive my short memory)… the point anyways was that, if all my friends left me and somehow I couldn’t get on the internet and all my family members (at least those who matter!) are somewhere far away… how would I survive?! Simple, I will survive noni! Not that I don’t place a lot of importance on friendships, I do… but it just is not hard for me to be all by myself, indoors! I remember when my cousin-cum-ex-roommate shipped her fine ass to Chicago, I was in that room alone for 3 months (can’t believe I’ve stayed in school for that long a period!)… it was a routine of going to class and heading straight back home. Did I get bored?! Hell no! (Not that I didn’t miss your crazy ass, Bims, I did and still do…) No visiting, no visitors! Yup, I can be a recluse like that!
So Josef and I ended the argument somehow, I won tho *grins*. LMAO! I just increased the volume of the TV, and this musical video is on… “girl, I love you so, you be like Chocomilo”… hahaha! You go fear lyrics! Chocomilo ko, baba dudu ni! Tsew. Girls have suffered sef… all these pick-up lines that our poor dear ears have to endure virtually everyday, it’s a wonder how some girls haven’t committed suicide sef! Serious o! You’ll hear some pick-up lines like this, you go look yourself from up to down; especially in this Boko Haram era that we’re in now, one guy will come and tell you “Your father must be a terrorist cos you’re the bomb” Al’akoba! Because of one boy’s stupid pick-up line now, they’ll arrest one girl’s father… smh!
Back to the fact that it’s Friday… it’s looking like tis gonna rain again; I see plenty Friday night plans getting ruined *evil grin*. Ntoi! Learn to sit at home like me!
*** Yesterday, friend of mine discovered I can type fast on phone… and he made me type “I’m sexy and I know it” … so that got me inspired today, I’m starting my Friday almost-evening with LMFAO’s Sexy And I Know It… (cos I am, and I’m aware!)
LMFAO - Sexy and I Know It
Thursday, September 29, 2011
RAIN: Check! SOAKED: Check!
I was hoping it would rain during the day so I could go out and play (in the rain)… yeah, I still do that! But it didn’t… oh well, a girl doesn’t always get what she wants (just like I haven’t gotten Bow Wow yet, lol). Then just as I had forgotten all about the rain and gone on that little trip to the bus stop, it starts to pour like it would never pour again!
Standing under some cover with my friend, I said to myself “Sometimes a girl gets more than what she bargained for”… I didn’t wanna play in the rain no more, but nature was gonna force me to do just that…
20 minutes later, the rain didn’t let up, my friend’s shirt was clinging to his body like second skin and I was getting goose flesh! Desperate times call for desperate measures… time to stop hiding under the canopy and get in the rain, if we had intentions of getting home tonight! Holding hands, we run into the rain and the flooded streets (in my mind, I was thinking “this is going to be fun!”)…
*fast forward the part where I finally get a means of transport to Iya Faith’s cozy apartment and my friend finds his way home too*
Another 20 minutes later… I’m standing in front of the mirror in my room, shaking my head at myself; ‘wet’ isn’t the word, ‘soaked’ is! I looked like a drenched rat, oh gawd my hair!!! First stop tomorrow? Salon! Was my friend home? Yup he was too, thank God!
So I go from wanting to get wet to getting soaked… how does that happen?! Well, it does; be careful what you wish for! Anyways here I am, getting comfy on the couch, hair still wet, feet still cold, a gazillion thoughts going through my head, hot coffee right beside me, and Claude Kelly’s Love You To Death blasting in my ears… *singing… i wish that i could forgive and forget, but you told so many lies, i got nothing left; a dog is a dog, can’t teach him no tricks, you are who you are, and that’s all what there is; i wanna believe you can change like you promise me, but i got keep on holding my breath, coz I’m watching you break my heart, and it’s killing me, so i refuse to stay and love you to death…*
My quick 2 cents: Never, ever love anyone to death! Never! Cos it’ll so break your friggin’ heart when you realise they never will really change; like the song says ‘a dog is a dog’… {just like if you’re expecting this rain to stop soon… *yimu*} I’mma just put the song on here ‘case you wanna listen:
Claude Kelly - Love You To Death
Standing under some cover with my friend, I said to myself “Sometimes a girl gets more than what she bargained for”… I didn’t wanna play in the rain no more, but nature was gonna force me to do just that…
20 minutes later, the rain didn’t let up, my friend’s shirt was clinging to his body like second skin and I was getting goose flesh! Desperate times call for desperate measures… time to stop hiding under the canopy and get in the rain, if we had intentions of getting home tonight! Holding hands, we run into the rain and the flooded streets (in my mind, I was thinking “this is going to be fun!”)…
*fast forward the part where I finally get a means of transport to Iya Faith’s cozy apartment and my friend finds his way home too*
Another 20 minutes later… I’m standing in front of the mirror in my room, shaking my head at myself; ‘wet’ isn’t the word, ‘soaked’ is! I looked like a drenched rat, oh gawd my hair!!! First stop tomorrow? Salon! Was my friend home? Yup he was too, thank God!
So I go from wanting to get wet to getting soaked… how does that happen?! Well, it does; be careful what you wish for! Anyways here I am, getting comfy on the couch, hair still wet, feet still cold, a gazillion thoughts going through my head, hot coffee right beside me, and Claude Kelly’s Love You To Death blasting in my ears… *singing… i wish that i could forgive and forget, but you told so many lies, i got nothing left; a dog is a dog, can’t teach him no tricks, you are who you are, and that’s all what there is; i wanna believe you can change like you promise me, but i got keep on holding my breath, coz I’m watching you break my heart, and it’s killing me, so i refuse to stay and love you to death…*
My quick 2 cents: Never, ever love anyone to death! Never! Cos it’ll so break your friggin’ heart when you realise they never will really change; like the song says ‘a dog is a dog’… {just like if you’re expecting this rain to stop soon… *yimu*} I’mma just put the song on here ‘case you wanna listen:
Claude Kelly - Love You To Death
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Nigeria, whassup?!
For those of you that are not in Nigeria and those that are but hardly listen to the news (not like I do too, anyways), I am very sad to inform y’all that a lot is happening in this country right now that is totally not palatable *bile rising up in my throat*
Let’s start from the very one that concerns me… ASUU Strike! Another strike (out of a thousand already this year… ok, I’m exaggerating a little) commenced on Monday and will last for a week! SMH! I was looking at pictures I took before I got into the Uni, the ones I took after I got in and some of the ones I have now… hello?! Will someone tell the FGN that I’m ageing?! Heck yeah, I am! I know ladies don’t like to admit that they’re growing up and that they weren’t as young as they were yesterday; but abeg make we no deceive ourselves for here… time don go! Six years… (still counting) and if we’re not careful here, a course that shoulda lasted 5 years will take 7 years! Does the FG of Nigeria have an idea what I can achieve in the 2 years of my life that they are helping in wasting? Something tells me they do, but they just don’t care, afterall their children are abroad, the rest of us can go to hell, no? Does it sound like I’m whining? It better sound like I am… cos that’s what I’m doing… whining! The f**k I have the right to! Some of us don’t plan to stop at a B.Sc., so they should quit pausing me on one fucking spot! And I was just wondering and thanking God, on the other hand that all these strikes don’t extend to Secondary Schools… imagine spending 12 years before obtaining your O’ Level Certificate! Oh the horror!
On to the next one… the Abia Rape. I’m sure most of y’all heard about that, yeah? Five guys gang-raping that poor girl! I didn’t really get the story sha… but what I heard is enough! A similar thing happened in Ijebu-Igbo recently… fine, they said the girl was rude to some guy who was ‘blended’; but really, was gang-raping her the befitting punishment? I don’t know what this babe in Abia did o… but gang-raping is just outrightly wrong! So wrong! Now the case is all over the news… fancy being famous for getting gang-raped. So not nice!!! But that isn’t even what hurts the most… this morning, I heard the Abia State Police Commissioner came on teevee to say that the rape was not reported … bla bla… so cos of that the rape didn’t occur! I was shocked when I heard this. I had vowed that I wouldn’t let nothing shock me ever again, but seriously, it’s disheartening and ridiculous how cold some people can be! Is this Commissioner a father? I doubt! Cos if he is, he’d picture his daughter being raped by just one man and the goose pimples he’d get from that mental picture wouldn’t have made him go on national TV and say that gang-rape didn’t happen!!! Also, is this Commissioner a Nigerian? Is he? Cos if he is, he’d know that plenty crimes go unreported to the police, not because people don’t wanna, but cos they’re scared of the fucking Po-po and their wahala!!! So this morning, we learnt a new thing – Unreported Crime is equal to Does-not-exist;Did-not-happen Crime! Nigeria we hail thee!!!
The genital disappearance palaver (!!!) amuses me the most. Even though I can’t help laughing out loud everytime I remember this one, it really isn’t funny cos those poor boys whose dicks have been ‘stolen’ certainly don’t find their present situation funny at all. As at yesterday night, I was informed that 7 male students of the Federal Poly, Bida-Niger State have lost their dicks to indigenes of that town. I remember that something similar happened in Lagos years ago, dicks disappearing from their owners, some juju thingz! Na wa o. Now the school has been closed down cos the other students don vex, houses have been burnt, properties have been destroyed on top missing dicks o! Hahahahahaha… *clears throat* Sorry, didn’t mean to laugh *straight face* Which prayer we wan come pray for those boys now? May God help them recover their missing dicks? Abi, may God touch them so that the ‘gone’ dicks can regenerate? *clueless* What I really wanna know is, when the dick disappeared, did the balls go with it or… I’m sure I don’t wanna picture it in my head!
***I just stole a glance at the TV… headline “FG vows to combat terrorism”. Lives have been taken, families are mourning at their losses, properties have been destroyed, students are living in fear (at least those that their schools are on Boko Haram’s list to be attacked and bombed)… and what the FG is doing is ‘vowing’… vowing! It means they’re still promising to do something, they haven’t started doing anything! SMH. Nigeria, we indeed hail thee!!!
Let’s start from the very one that concerns me… ASUU Strike! Another strike (out of a thousand already this year… ok, I’m exaggerating a little) commenced on Monday and will last for a week! SMH! I was looking at pictures I took before I got into the Uni, the ones I took after I got in and some of the ones I have now… hello?! Will someone tell the FGN that I’m ageing?! Heck yeah, I am! I know ladies don’t like to admit that they’re growing up and that they weren’t as young as they were yesterday; but abeg make we no deceive ourselves for here… time don go! Six years… (still counting) and if we’re not careful here, a course that shoulda lasted 5 years will take 7 years! Does the FG of Nigeria have an idea what I can achieve in the 2 years of my life that they are helping in wasting? Something tells me they do, but they just don’t care, afterall their children are abroad, the rest of us can go to hell, no? Does it sound like I’m whining? It better sound like I am… cos that’s what I’m doing… whining! The f**k I have the right to! Some of us don’t plan to stop at a B.Sc., so they should quit pausing me on one fucking spot! And I was just wondering and thanking God, on the other hand that all these strikes don’t extend to Secondary Schools… imagine spending 12 years before obtaining your O’ Level Certificate! Oh the horror!
On to the next one… the Abia Rape. I’m sure most of y’all heard about that, yeah? Five guys gang-raping that poor girl! I didn’t really get the story sha… but what I heard is enough! A similar thing happened in Ijebu-Igbo recently… fine, they said the girl was rude to some guy who was ‘blended’; but really, was gang-raping her the befitting punishment? I don’t know what this babe in Abia did o… but gang-raping is just outrightly wrong! So wrong! Now the case is all over the news… fancy being famous for getting gang-raped. So not nice!!! But that isn’t even what hurts the most… this morning, I heard the Abia State Police Commissioner came on teevee to say that the rape was not reported … bla bla… so cos of that the rape didn’t occur! I was shocked when I heard this. I had vowed that I wouldn’t let nothing shock me ever again, but seriously, it’s disheartening and ridiculous how cold some people can be! Is this Commissioner a father? I doubt! Cos if he is, he’d picture his daughter being raped by just one man and the goose pimples he’d get from that mental picture wouldn’t have made him go on national TV and say that gang-rape didn’t happen!!! Also, is this Commissioner a Nigerian? Is he? Cos if he is, he’d know that plenty crimes go unreported to the police, not because people don’t wanna, but cos they’re scared of the fucking Po-po and their wahala!!! So this morning, we learnt a new thing – Unreported Crime is equal to Does-not-exist;Did-not-happen Crime! Nigeria we hail thee!!!
The genital disappearance palaver (!!!) amuses me the most. Even though I can’t help laughing out loud everytime I remember this one, it really isn’t funny cos those poor boys whose dicks have been ‘stolen’ certainly don’t find their present situation funny at all. As at yesterday night, I was informed that 7 male students of the Federal Poly, Bida-Niger State have lost their dicks to indigenes of that town. I remember that something similar happened in Lagos years ago, dicks disappearing from their owners, some juju thingz! Na wa o. Now the school has been closed down cos the other students don vex, houses have been burnt, properties have been destroyed on top missing dicks o! Hahahahahaha… *clears throat* Sorry, didn’t mean to laugh *straight face* Which prayer we wan come pray for those boys now? May God help them recover their missing dicks? Abi, may God touch them so that the ‘gone’ dicks can regenerate? *clueless* What I really wanna know is, when the dick disappeared, did the balls go with it or… I’m sure I don’t wanna picture it in my head!
***I just stole a glance at the TV… headline “FG vows to combat terrorism”. Lives have been taken, families are mourning at their losses, properties have been destroyed, students are living in fear (at least those that their schools are on Boko Haram’s list to be attacked and bombed)… and what the FG is doing is ‘vowing’… vowing! It means they’re still promising to do something, they haven’t started doing anything! SMH. Nigeria, we indeed hail thee!!!
Sunday, September 25, 2011
The Anchors
"Sis. Faith, you'll be anchoring the second day of the Youth Convention for us". I looked up to be sure that I was the 'Faith' our Youth Leader was talking to... Me? Anchor? War! Cannot remember the last time I stood in front of a crowd... ok, I actually can. It was 2 years ago when a particular lecturer asked everyone in class to come out and defend their assignment, individually. But that was just for some 5 minutes, and even back then it seemed like a big deal. Who said standing in front of a crowd and talking was a joke?! How my legs didn't give way that day is still a mystery to me... so imagine how panic-stricken I became when they announced that 'Sis. Faith' was anchoring a programme that would last for over 2 hours! Jesu!
I had thoughts in my head... to back out or not to back out... Eventually, I decided to do it, I mean how hard can it be sef? Shebi it's just to stand up there and talk small and call out the next item on the list? Ehn, we go do am! Yes, I just said 'we'... introducing my co-anchor, Cyrus. As they dropped the duty of anchoring on my laps just like that, I also dropped the duty of co-anchoring on Cyrus' laps *evil laughter*. The Youth Leader called me aside to ask who I thought could co-anchor with me, and I just went to drag this guy from among the crowd (don't ask me why it was THIS particular guy, k?) Poor dude didn't even know what hit him, they had written down his name before he got the chance to ask me what that was about, hehehehe! In my head, I was thinking 'thank God, we're 2 now.'
So Cyrus and I started preparing for that day, discussing on the phone, exchanging notes, making sure our Ankara was ready for Saturday and the other outfit for Sunday too... you go think say e pass this anchoring wey we dey talk about (lol). But hey, everything in life needs planning, even evil things need to be strategically planned for. No be so?
A day before the D-day, we started getting all nervous and stuff, we even contemplated getting high before going up on stage (no tell Pastor o); but thank God it didn't come to that... (i think!) The D-day finally arrived, we hooked up before the time to conclude on whether we were still getting high or not (lol), we talked, laughed, went over conversations with the crowd in our head, ate Snickers, drank Malt... anything to ease the tension, and then we marched our bold selves to church!
It was a total success! How couldn't it have been? We had Adrenalin pumping through us like crazy, we had the best responsive crowd, the mics were perfect, I had the best co-anchor (no regrets that I chose him) and of course, he had me (no regrets that he agreed to do it!) At the end of the day, I had a new friend. Below is a picture of Cyrus and I after the Convention (tired like crazy!):
We sure are looking forward to next year to anchor together again, aren't we Cyrus?! LOL!
I had thoughts in my head... to back out or not to back out... Eventually, I decided to do it, I mean how hard can it be sef? Shebi it's just to stand up there and talk small and call out the next item on the list? Ehn, we go do am! Yes, I just said 'we'... introducing my co-anchor, Cyrus. As they dropped the duty of anchoring on my laps just like that, I also dropped the duty of co-anchoring on Cyrus' laps *evil laughter*. The Youth Leader called me aside to ask who I thought could co-anchor with me, and I just went to drag this guy from among the crowd (don't ask me why it was THIS particular guy, k?) Poor dude didn't even know what hit him, they had written down his name before he got the chance to ask me what that was about, hehehehe! In my head, I was thinking 'thank God, we're 2 now.'
So Cyrus and I started preparing for that day, discussing on the phone, exchanging notes, making sure our Ankara was ready for Saturday and the other outfit for Sunday too... you go think say e pass this anchoring wey we dey talk about (lol). But hey, everything in life needs planning, even evil things need to be strategically planned for. No be so?
A day before the D-day, we started getting all nervous and stuff, we even contemplated getting high before going up on stage (no tell Pastor o); but thank God it didn't come to that... (i think!) The D-day finally arrived, we hooked up before the time to conclude on whether we were still getting high or not (lol), we talked, laughed, went over conversations with the crowd in our head, ate Snickers, drank Malt... anything to ease the tension, and then we marched our bold selves to church!
It was a total success! How couldn't it have been? We had Adrenalin pumping through us like crazy, we had the best responsive crowd, the mics were perfect, I had the best co-anchor (no regrets that I chose him) and of course, he had me (no regrets that he agreed to do it!) At the end of the day, I had a new friend. Below is a picture of Cyrus and I after the Convention (tired like crazy!):
We sure are looking forward to next year to anchor together again, aren't we Cyrus?! LOL!
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Argue Not About...
Yesterday evening, I was walking home from… from… *scratches head*… well, never mind about that. I was sha walking home and I passed by this barber’s shop, there were a couple of guys in there arguing rather loudly about only-God-knows-what; in my mind I was giving each of them a knock on the head for yelling and stuff. But truth was it reminded me of those days when I used to be one of the honoured inhabitants of a certain ‘full house’, we called it ‘full house’ cos there was hardly a day that there wasn’t a considerable amount of crowd in each apartment, especially ours. It was fun back then, the Duados, the Baloguns, the Morenikejis, loads and loads of friends… we used to argue a lot, sometimes about things that made sense, other times about absolutely nothing! You could just walk in and ask what we’re arguing about and don’t be surprised when you get a response like “who would you prefer to have you adopted, Elton John or Oprah Winfrey?” Yeah, we were jobless fun like that!
Back to the guys at the barber’s, I concluded that whatever they were arguing about couldn’t have justified all the noise they were making! So, I came up with a couple of things that, these days, aren’t worth arguing about anymore. These things might be against ethics and values, some of them are just not worth the yelling and screaming over, most def some of them are not even worth the hype that we give ‘em. I hope you find my list of ‘Argue not about…’ fascinating.
ARGUE NOT ABOUT …:
A. SEX ON THE FIRST DATE
Seriously guys, what is there to argue about?! Gone are the days when this topic was still a topic! It is no longer news/gist/gossip-worthy! So they did it on the first date, wetin con happen? Whether it affects their relationship or not is first, none of your business; second… none of your business! Whether it will affect your relationship is also none of my business! If you’re so curious about it, maybe you should try it; if you can’t, maybe you should STFU and sit the f**k down!
Don’t get me wrong o, I didn’t say sex on the first date is the most awesome thing to do, I’m just saying it happens so much now that it is no longer earth-shattering-ish!
B. INTER-TRIBAL MARRIAGE
-mute- food for thought for y’all
C. SLOW SONGS
Here, I am referring to those songs that you listen to that makes you totally fall in love, and want desperately to find and hold Prince Charming or Princess Charming (as the case may be)… abeg abeg abeg! If you’re still listening to songs like that, #jonzing! Stay there and be loving up and fantasyzing when your mates are getting jobs and careers, making something out of their lives… Berra get a life (and a job!) before Lady in Red becomes Lady gone Red!
D. … ….
There are some things I’m addicted to… topic for another day sha! This is one of those things, it comes in bottles and cans, dark sugary liquid, the last three words of its compound name is a Yoruba word that can mean ‘wealth’ or ‘tomorrow’ (that has nothing to do with it tho) – assignment! Anyways, my point is it is no longer worth the hype it used to deserve. It’s all ‘cough-syruppy’ now, I only still consume it cos I’m addicted!
E. A DEGREE
Plenty people will agree with me that gone also are the days when it was a degree or your parents would disown and cut you off the family money (if there's any) when you decide you don’t wanna go to a College/University (parents can be harsh sha). Some of us have been in awkward situations where you meet someone that’s doing so good, very comfortable financially... and NEWSFLASH! he doesn’t even have a degree! You go dey wonder “How na?!”… Pele o. But seriously, this dude is got everything you don’t… a car, an apartment, nice clothes, A GIRL! No thanks to a degree. You checked him o, he’s not into fraud or anything like that… so where is the hype in a getting a degree again?! *searching*
Don’t get me wrong again o, getting an education is the best thing that can happen to you! But sometimes, being an entrepreneur (especially in that line of business you really have passion for) works like pumpkin turning into carriage – magic!
So before you argue about/over or hype something, before you yell your head off with your friends over something… check if it’ll be worth all the mouth/lip/hand exercises (ever notice how some folks argue with their hands? Smh… una get time!)
Back to the guys at the barber’s, I concluded that whatever they were arguing about couldn’t have justified all the noise they were making! So, I came up with a couple of things that, these days, aren’t worth arguing about anymore. These things might be against ethics and values, some of them are just not worth the yelling and screaming over, most def some of them are not even worth the hype that we give ‘em. I hope you find my list of ‘Argue not about…’ fascinating.
ARGUE NOT ABOUT …:
A. SEX ON THE FIRST DATE
Seriously guys, what is there to argue about?! Gone are the days when this topic was still a topic! It is no longer news/gist/gossip-worthy! So they did it on the first date, wetin con happen? Whether it affects their relationship or not is first, none of your business; second… none of your business! Whether it will affect your relationship is also none of my business! If you’re so curious about it, maybe you should try it; if you can’t, maybe you should STFU and sit the f**k down!
Don’t get me wrong o, I didn’t say sex on the first date is the most awesome thing to do, I’m just saying it happens so much now that it is no longer earth-shattering-ish!
B. INTER-TRIBAL MARRIAGE
-mute- food for thought for y’all
C. SLOW SONGS
Here, I am referring to those songs that you listen to that makes you totally fall in love, and want desperately to find and hold Prince Charming or Princess Charming (as the case may be)… abeg abeg abeg! If you’re still listening to songs like that, #jonzing! Stay there and be loving up and fantasyzing when your mates are getting jobs and careers, making something out of their lives… Berra get a life (and a job!) before Lady in Red becomes Lady gone Red!
D. … ….
There are some things I’m addicted to… topic for another day sha! This is one of those things, it comes in bottles and cans, dark sugary liquid, the last three words of its compound name is a Yoruba word that can mean ‘wealth’ or ‘tomorrow’ (that has nothing to do with it tho) – assignment! Anyways, my point is it is no longer worth the hype it used to deserve. It’s all ‘cough-syruppy’ now, I only still consume it cos I’m addicted!
E. A DEGREE
Plenty people will agree with me that gone also are the days when it was a degree or your parents would disown and cut you off the family money (if there's any) when you decide you don’t wanna go to a College/University (parents can be harsh sha). Some of us have been in awkward situations where you meet someone that’s doing so good, very comfortable financially... and NEWSFLASH! he doesn’t even have a degree! You go dey wonder “How na?!”… Pele o. But seriously, this dude is got everything you don’t… a car, an apartment, nice clothes, A GIRL! No thanks to a degree. You checked him o, he’s not into fraud or anything like that… so where is the hype in a getting a degree again?! *searching*
Don’t get me wrong again o, getting an education is the best thing that can happen to you! But sometimes, being an entrepreneur (especially in that line of business you really have passion for) works like pumpkin turning into carriage – magic!
So before you argue about/over or hype something, before you yell your head off with your friends over something… check if it’ll be worth all the mouth/lip/hand exercises (ever notice how some folks argue with their hands? Smh… una get time!)
Thursday, September 22, 2011
a 'Johnny' on a Journey...
I’m not known to sit my ass down in school for more than three weeks, four weeks max. I’m restless like that. I like getting on the road and love coming home to Lagos, to my spring bed that all my friends envy. TMI, right? Sorry… back to the story; sometimes I enjoy the journey – the breeze, the solitude, the ability to just sit near the window and think about whatever… sometimes, the journey is just so-so! But today! What my eyes saw, I have never seen or experienced since I been shuttling my sweet self between Lagos and Ogun State… since 2006!
I got into the cab and was so happy cos with a cab the journey is always faster; the journey was fast alright but a weirdo was driving! Everytime we hit a pothole, the driver would hit his head and mumble something like he was scolding himself… the thing is I don’t know if he blames himself for the potholes in the roads (maybe he thinks he’s the Nigerian government), or maybe he was scolding himself for seeing the potholes and still driving straight into them… or maybe with each pothole-diving, he had to hit his head to rearrange his brain cells or something! Whatever it was that caused the hitting sha, I was glad when he pulled over at Berger!
Before I got off the cab tho, there was this dude sitting beside me whom I didn’t know whether to laugh or shake my head in pity at his act… seriously, how do you nurse one Fanyogo from Ogun state to Lagos?! Dude kept shaking the triangular paper pack and raising it to his lips; I come dey wonder “shey na fountain of everlasting yoghurt ni?” Na wa o!
The traffic was terrible, the roads were messy, the drivers and agberos were loud and annoying; I whispered to myself “Welcome to Lagos” *sighs*. Anyways now we come to the real point of this blog… Y’all must remember that I put up an update on my facebook yesterday about my ‘awkwardest moment’? I’ll tell you what was awkward… brace yourselves, this shit is about to get real nasty!
It was nice to have gotten a seat beside the driver, the less body contact (that would have occurred if I had sat amongst the passengers) – the happier I am. So you can imagine how happy I was to have gotten that precious seat right in front of the bus, beside the driver… I’ll just skip to the nasty part now *exhales*. The driver first moved over me trying to adjust his right-hand mirror when he coulda just asked the person sitting beside the door to do it for him... I didn’t think anything of it at first except I adjusted so his shoulder won’t collide with my precious twins (lol). Anyways, I kept facebooking o while praying in my mind for the traffic to clear up cos ‘exhausted’ was my middle name at the time. I suddenly noticed that this dude kept moving his hand from the gear to beside my lap, he didn’t quite have the guts to put his hand on it, but he had the guts to do something else tho; since the traffic was really heavy, we were at a standstill, so between using one hand to try to stray beside my lap and trying to rub his shoulder with mine, this sicko was using his other hand to *pause for effect*… fondle his ‘thing’! Aaaarrrggghhhhhh! Gross right?! I know! I thought I was hallucinating at first, you know; but then I had to really look down at him and yes! That really-sick-really-demented son-of-a-b**ch was taking really slow strokes at his… dick! (I screamed in my head, again). To cut the nasty story short, I pushed him real hard and made a disgusting face at him. I was glad to get off the bus minutes later. Since then, I haven’t exactly been psychologically balanced; seriously if I wasn’t in 9ja, I woulda sued his black ass and made him pay for damages cos I am damaged, oh yeah I am. There are some things people should not experience in their lifetime and I just experienced one of it – some stupid sicko using me as his sexual focal point to jerk off while he drove! Oh gawd!
*going to puke…*
I got into the cab and was so happy cos with a cab the journey is always faster; the journey was fast alright but a weirdo was driving! Everytime we hit a pothole, the driver would hit his head and mumble something like he was scolding himself… the thing is I don’t know if he blames himself for the potholes in the roads (maybe he thinks he’s the Nigerian government), or maybe he was scolding himself for seeing the potholes and still driving straight into them… or maybe with each pothole-diving, he had to hit his head to rearrange his brain cells or something! Whatever it was that caused the hitting sha, I was glad when he pulled over at Berger!
Before I got off the cab tho, there was this dude sitting beside me whom I didn’t know whether to laugh or shake my head in pity at his act… seriously, how do you nurse one Fanyogo from Ogun state to Lagos?! Dude kept shaking the triangular paper pack and raising it to his lips; I come dey wonder “shey na fountain of everlasting yoghurt ni?” Na wa o!
The traffic was terrible, the roads were messy, the drivers and agberos were loud and annoying; I whispered to myself “Welcome to Lagos” *sighs*. Anyways now we come to the real point of this blog… Y’all must remember that I put up an update on my facebook yesterday about my ‘awkwardest moment’? I’ll tell you what was awkward… brace yourselves, this shit is about to get real nasty!
It was nice to have gotten a seat beside the driver, the less body contact (that would have occurred if I had sat amongst the passengers) – the happier I am. So you can imagine how happy I was to have gotten that precious seat right in front of the bus, beside the driver… I’ll just skip to the nasty part now *exhales*. The driver first moved over me trying to adjust his right-hand mirror when he coulda just asked the person sitting beside the door to do it for him... I didn’t think anything of it at first except I adjusted so his shoulder won’t collide with my precious twins (lol). Anyways, I kept facebooking o while praying in my mind for the traffic to clear up cos ‘exhausted’ was my middle name at the time. I suddenly noticed that this dude kept moving his hand from the gear to beside my lap, he didn’t quite have the guts to put his hand on it, but he had the guts to do something else tho; since the traffic was really heavy, we were at a standstill, so between using one hand to try to stray beside my lap and trying to rub his shoulder with mine, this sicko was using his other hand to *pause for effect*… fondle his ‘thing’! Aaaarrrggghhhhhh! Gross right?! I know! I thought I was hallucinating at first, you know; but then I had to really look down at him and yes! That really-sick-really-demented son-of-a-b**ch was taking really slow strokes at his… dick! (I screamed in my head, again). To cut the nasty story short, I pushed him real hard and made a disgusting face at him. I was glad to get off the bus minutes later. Since then, I haven’t exactly been psychologically balanced; seriously if I wasn’t in 9ja, I woulda sued his black ass and made him pay for damages cos I am damaged, oh yeah I am. There are some things people should not experience in their lifetime and I just experienced one of it – some stupid sicko using me as his sexual focal point to jerk off while he drove! Oh gawd!
*going to puke…*
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
the DIFFERENCE between JOSEF & the guy that tried to graB my a$$
Singles’ meetings are always kinda interesting in my church, especially the socialising and bonding that takes place after the meetings end. Every Sunday evening that one is going to hold, I try my darndest to attend.
So, another singles’ meeting… talk… talk… interactive talk, more talk… and then it came to an end. Usually I stay on to bond and mingle and hug and stuff… “but not today” I said to myself, “I gotta run before someone tries to drag me to another meeting.” (There was another meeting to be held later that evening, but I just wasn’t in the mood for anymore).
It is of general knowledge that when you’re trying to avoid or run away from something or someone, you have to take tiny, little, noiseless steps (or is it noiseless, tiny, little steps..? waheva jor) so the person does not hear you leave; so wrong! Sometimes you need to run – run so somebody does not engage you in something; run so you don’t have to be tied up in something; run so they can hear and see you and understand that you don’t wanna be involved in whatever it is that’s going on; *screaming* run, little red riding hood, run for your life! *breathless*… ok, ignore that last part.
Anyways so I ran! and fortunately I caught up with Josef, he was going home too (I don’t know if he ran too or sneaked, lol). Then we decided to walk home instead of taking the bus, and we got our gist on.
-pause- Who is Josef?
Obviously, he’s my church member, duh! He’s also my neighbour, my new friend (feels like I’ve known him for ages tho); I plan to make him my lawyer too (I haven’t told him about that plan tho; but I’m sure he’ll accept! I’m irresistible! :D). So, that’s Josef!
I really can’t remember what it was but we started laughing about something and all of a sudden that laugh hung on my face for some reason… you know when your PC is working and co-operating with you, and then all of a sudden it just hangs, even the cursor won’t move? Yeah, it was something like that. I went from laughing out loud to expressionless to looking back and to a frown and almost cussing! Josef asked what was wrong with me and I blurted out “that guy just tried to grab my ass!” We looked back and the scumbag had gotten on a bike and gone off! I was so mad, so was Josef! And then he said something that inspired this blog… “why would he do something like that? I mean, it’s basic instinct to wanna do something nasty like that when you see a fine ass girl like you (okay he didn’t say that, I’m just lying, lol) but the ability to control yourself and let your sanity take over is what matters…” He didn’t quite say it like that sha, can’t remember the original words he used but I’m sure y’all understand what I’m trying to say.
So, in my head I responded to that question/statement that Josef made… and here is what I thought in my head:
There are guys and there are … guys! I wish I could draw a table right now to show the differences between my friend Josef and this ass grabber guy; but here goes anyways…
Josef is sane… Ass grabber is insane (disagree with me all you want, but trying to grab some chick’s ass on the road, in public, where a lotta people are is just all round wrong and insane!). Point One!
Josef is human… Ass grabber is an animal (Yeah! True! He let his animal instincts take over and without thinking he raised his hand and tried to grab my tail feather!)
Josef wouldn’t want someone to do something like that to his sister or future wife… Ass grabber, if he has a sister, doesn’t care! Matter of fact, he’d grab his sister’s ass anytime (which I think this particular guy might be doing already, I just hope for his sister’s sake that he hasn’t started testing that ass!). And somehow, if he manages to get a wife? I really pity her cos we all know fer sure that he ain’t gonna be paying her bottom cheeks no attention, nah! he’ll divert all the wife’s-ass-deserved attention to his sister-in-law or the maid. #truestory!
Ok, that’s all the conversation I had in my small little head. Oh, and then I also thought I should make up my mind about taking my BFF’s advice on carrying a knife about! Slice anything sliceable, including rude hands! All ye ass grabbers and feelers out there, better beware lest you feel the wrath of a very sharp knife! This dudette ain’t gonna let someone else try to grab her derriere in the future and get away with it, na ahn!
*** I apologise to all of ye that has asked me to stop saying words like “ass, fuck”, etc cos they’re vulgar, there was just no better word to use; but seriously it’s not that vulgar, it’s just ass… ass… ass… ass… ass… ass… ass… ass… ass… ass… ass… ass… LMAO! Oops, sorry! *wink*
So, another singles’ meeting… talk… talk… interactive talk, more talk… and then it came to an end. Usually I stay on to bond and mingle and hug and stuff… “but not today” I said to myself, “I gotta run before someone tries to drag me to another meeting.” (There was another meeting to be held later that evening, but I just wasn’t in the mood for anymore).
It is of general knowledge that when you’re trying to avoid or run away from something or someone, you have to take tiny, little, noiseless steps (or is it noiseless, tiny, little steps..? waheva jor) so the person does not hear you leave; so wrong! Sometimes you need to run – run so somebody does not engage you in something; run so you don’t have to be tied up in something; run so they can hear and see you and understand that you don’t wanna be involved in whatever it is that’s going on; *screaming* run, little red riding hood, run for your life! *breathless*… ok, ignore that last part.
Anyways so I ran! and fortunately I caught up with Josef, he was going home too (I don’t know if he ran too or sneaked, lol). Then we decided to walk home instead of taking the bus, and we got our gist on.
-pause- Who is Josef?
Obviously, he’s my church member, duh! He’s also my neighbour, my new friend (feels like I’ve known him for ages tho); I plan to make him my lawyer too (I haven’t told him about that plan tho; but I’m sure he’ll accept! I’m irresistible! :D). So, that’s Josef!
I really can’t remember what it was but we started laughing about something and all of a sudden that laugh hung on my face for some reason… you know when your PC is working and co-operating with you, and then all of a sudden it just hangs, even the cursor won’t move? Yeah, it was something like that. I went from laughing out loud to expressionless to looking back and to a frown and almost cussing! Josef asked what was wrong with me and I blurted out “that guy just tried to grab my ass!” We looked back and the scumbag had gotten on a bike and gone off! I was so mad, so was Josef! And then he said something that inspired this blog… “why would he do something like that? I mean, it’s basic instinct to wanna do something nasty like that when you see a fine ass girl like you (okay he didn’t say that, I’m just lying, lol) but the ability to control yourself and let your sanity take over is what matters…” He didn’t quite say it like that sha, can’t remember the original words he used but I’m sure y’all understand what I’m trying to say.
So, in my head I responded to that question/statement that Josef made… and here is what I thought in my head:
There are guys and there are … guys! I wish I could draw a table right now to show the differences between my friend Josef and this ass grabber guy; but here goes anyways…
Josef is sane… Ass grabber is insane (disagree with me all you want, but trying to grab some chick’s ass on the road, in public, where a lotta people are is just all round wrong and insane!). Point One!
Josef is human… Ass grabber is an animal (Yeah! True! He let his animal instincts take over and without thinking he raised his hand and tried to grab my tail feather!)
Josef wouldn’t want someone to do something like that to his sister or future wife… Ass grabber, if he has a sister, doesn’t care! Matter of fact, he’d grab his sister’s ass anytime (which I think this particular guy might be doing already, I just hope for his sister’s sake that he hasn’t started testing that ass!). And somehow, if he manages to get a wife? I really pity her cos we all know fer sure that he ain’t gonna be paying her bottom cheeks no attention, nah! he’ll divert all the wife’s-ass-deserved attention to his sister-in-law or the maid. #truestory!
Ok, that’s all the conversation I had in my small little head. Oh, and then I also thought I should make up my mind about taking my BFF’s advice on carrying a knife about! Slice anything sliceable, including rude hands! All ye ass grabbers and feelers out there, better beware lest you feel the wrath of a very sharp knife! This dudette ain’t gonna let someone else try to grab her derriere in the future and get away with it, na ahn!
*** I apologise to all of ye that has asked me to stop saying words like “ass, fuck”, etc cos they’re vulgar, there was just no better word to use; but seriously it’s not that vulgar, it’s just ass… ass… ass… ass… ass… ass… ass… ass… ass… ass… ass… ass… LMAO! Oops, sorry! *wink*
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
tHat's my baBy...
Nothing is sweeter than finding out that you've fallen in love and knowing with whom or what you've fallen in love with...
1:45pm, and it just dawned on me that I'm in love... I am in LOVE! Oh... the feeling is so sweet! When that one thing makes you so happy, happy enough to make you wanna dance, jump, nod your head, tap your feet... and then that thing loves you back! I mean, what I love is in love with me too, or it wouldn't be playing repeatedly on my WinAmp... ok ok! so I put it on repeat! so what?! Tseewww...
I love my baby, that's my baby... I'm totally in love with that song. Wizkid did good with this one, I know!
1:45pm, and it just dawned on me that I'm in love... I am in LOVE! Oh... the feeling is so sweet! When that one thing makes you so happy, happy enough to make you wanna dance, jump, nod your head, tap your feet... and then that thing loves you back! I mean, what I love is in love with me too, or it wouldn't be playing repeatedly on my WinAmp... ok ok! so I put it on repeat! so what?! Tseewww...
I love my baby, that's my baby... I'm totally in love with that song. Wizkid did good with this one, I know!
POCAHONTAS
I loved cartoons a lot as a child, especially those with the princesses… beautiful, beautiful and beautiful! One of my faves was Pocahontas, I’m talking the story now, not the princess.
The songs, the Indians, John Smith, Pocahontas herself – they all thrilled me… so I decided to watch it again!
Coke in hand, sprawled on the couch, Agnes in front of me, eager to see one of my fave cartoons that I haven’t seen in… what? 15 years? “ooohh, this will be great!”, I thought.
Little did I know…
The whole thing was messed up! First, I realised something I didn’t when I was fifteen years younger – Pocahontas is ugly! Aaarrggghhhhh!!! Did you see those lips? Fish lips! And her face, it’s so … so… wooden! You don’t believe me? Have a look:
And that man with the bigchest belly, the governor? Was that eyeshadow, blue eyeshadow? *sighs* #plentyhomo:
… then Part 2!
*smh* *sighs* *yawns* totally uninteresting! Is it me or did she grow darker?:
And what was all that sign language that her friend was going on about? “(sign language) Do not… (sign language)… forget (sign language)… this land (sign language). #drops!
Then she falls in love with the other John? What happened to “…no matter what happens, I’ll always be with you forever”? Maybe ‘they’ were just trying to pass a message across that when you feel “together, forever” with someone? that feeling don’t last forever!
And now I’m just finding it difficult to see which John she looked better with...
Him:
Or him (o_O):
The songs, the Indians, John Smith, Pocahontas herself – they all thrilled me… so I decided to watch it again!
Coke in hand, sprawled on the couch, Agnes in front of me, eager to see one of my fave cartoons that I haven’t seen in… what? 15 years? “ooohh, this will be great!”, I thought.
Little did I know…
The whole thing was messed up! First, I realised something I didn’t when I was fifteen years younger – Pocahontas is ugly! Aaarrggghhhhh!!! Did you see those lips? Fish lips! And her face, it’s so … so… wooden! You don’t believe me? Have a look:
And that man with the big
… then Part 2!
*smh* *sighs* *yawns* totally uninteresting! Is it me or did she grow darker?:
And what was all that sign language that her friend was going on about? “(sign language) Do not… (sign language)… forget (sign language)… this land (sign language). #drops!
Then she falls in love with the other John? What happened to “…no matter what happens, I’ll always be with you forever”? Maybe ‘they’ were just trying to pass a message across that when you feel “together, forever” with someone? that feeling don’t last forever!
And now I’m just finding it difficult to see which John she looked better with...
Him:
Or him (o_O):
Saturday, September 3, 2011
NEVER ALONE
Thank God it's Sunday! Yay! So I've been up for the past one hour and some trying to iron my church attire!!! (things we do to look fly on Sunday!)
Anyways, here we are again... on my blog; Agnes and I are happy to see another day (right, Agnes? right!). So last week, my Pastor said another Couples and Singles' Seminar is coming up... be sure I'll give you guys a loonnngg write-up on that, sincerely your happy-to-be correspondent! *wink*
Couples' Seminar aside... it's another month and loads of us are agitated cos the year is coming to an end and lots of things are still left undone and unaccomplished (I know I am); but I am here to tell you... do not fear my child! (err... my children?) *in a Preacher's voice*, like Seun Onakoya would say "...it is well, even in the well". I'm putting all my faith in God! Cos He alone is able...
So for my fellow full-of-faith-knowing-God-will-do-it-trusting-the-unseen fellas, here's this one by Barlow Girl, Never Alone... enjoy! (when did I turn to a DJ sef? smh)
Anyways, here we are again... on my blog; Agnes and I are happy to see another day (right, Agnes? right!). So last week, my Pastor said another Couples and Singles' Seminar is coming up... be sure I'll give you guys a loonnngg write-up on that, sincerely your happy-to-be correspondent! *wink*
Couples' Seminar aside... it's another month and loads of us are agitated cos the year is coming to an end and lots of things are still left undone and unaccomplished (I know I am); but I am here to tell you... do not fear my child! (err... my children?) *in a Preacher's voice*, like Seun Onakoya would say "...it is well, even in the well". I'm putting all my faith in God! Cos He alone is able...
So for my fellow full-of-faith-knowing-God-will-do-it-trusting-the-unseen fellas, here's this one by Barlow Girl, Never Alone... enjoy! (when did I turn to a DJ sef? smh)
| Barlow Girl - Never Alone .mp3 | ||
 | ||
 | Found at bee mp3 search engine |  |
Friday, September 2, 2011
NollyWood!!!
So I’ve been outta touch for some days… been glued to my screen in the attempt to watch all the 100+ movies on my laptop… hard job o, very hard! Matter of fact my eyes are screaming in pain now, you’ll hear the scream if you listen hard!
I saw new movies and old ones too; Coming To America brought back memories, so did Love and Basketball… anyways today, I sha do more than myself! How? I decided to watch a Nollywood movie… *smh* it wasn’t my brightest idea of the day, I know!
So the movie was interesting, learnt a great lesson – Be Obsessed! Yes! Nollywood thought me that… the girl in the movie was obsessed with this really cute married dude, was ready to give him all he wanted, but dude was faithful to the wife (abegi! we all know that’s … err… never mind!); so girl tries to blackmail dude, dude still won’t really budge; to cut the very boring long story short, girl kills dude’s wife and she gets guy!!! Imagine! The obsessed girl wins! Do you get the point now? Yeah? Be obsessed! Be totally obsessed!
The most sickening Nollywood offence is their yeye Yoruba subtitling… I know, I know! Wetin I go watch Yoruba film for abi? Well, we gotta give some of them credit, some are actually really good like Madam Dearest, Thunderbolt etc… (the etc is not very plenty sha; it’s more like ‘and so on’, it doesn’t extend to the ‘and so forth’ part).
So I got two pictures, examples of their very erroneous subtitling below:
I saw new movies and old ones too; Coming To America brought back memories, so did Love and Basketball… anyways today, I sha do more than myself! How? I decided to watch a Nollywood movie… *smh* it wasn’t my brightest idea of the day, I know!
So the movie was interesting, learnt a great lesson – Be Obsessed! Yes! Nollywood thought me that… the girl in the movie was obsessed with this really cute married dude, was ready to give him all he wanted, but dude was faithful to the wife (abegi! we all know that’s … err… never mind!); so girl tries to blackmail dude, dude still won’t really budge; to cut the very boring long story short, girl kills dude’s wife and she gets guy!!! Imagine! The obsessed girl wins! Do you get the point now? Yeah? Be obsessed! Be totally obsessed!
The most sickening Nollywood offence is their yeye Yoruba subtitling… I know, I know! Wetin I go watch Yoruba film for abi? Well, we gotta give some of them credit, some are actually really good like Madam Dearest, Thunderbolt etc… (the etc is not very plenty sha; it’s more like ‘and so on’, it doesn’t extend to the ‘and so forth’ part).
So I got two pictures, examples of their very erroneous subtitling below:
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