Some people are so invested in their fear and hatred that peace is the most threatening thing they can imagine...

- Dalia Hassan, 24 (TV Series)

Love and Obsession know no time frame

- Badly Drawn Dobs

Let Him Toast You...

This blog is inspired by a conversation I had with someone some days ago, and it (obviously) is directed to the ladies (well… and the bottom QUEEN dudes).


There was first, an interesting conversation between me and this babe months ago – how she met her boyfriend… she was all pink going back in time telling me how they met, how he took her breath away when she first saw him, blab la blab la..! It was all so sweet BUT I wasn’t satisfied! I also wanted to know how the guy asked her to be his girl… You dudes know yourselves na, some of you have some very tacky, cheesy pick-up lines, while others are sincere about the whole ish.

Let me divert a lil to some of the mawkish ask-out lines I’ve heard:

-          “I really like you… You’re the kind of girl I want to take home to my mother” Hello! When a guy tells you that the first time he meets you or on the first date, be careful, there’s insincerity written all over that!

-          “I want you to be my missing rib” Mister, do I look like Eve to you?

-          “I was wondering; would you like to be my queen?” Err… of which kingdom?

-          “You’re just so beautiful; would you like to have my kids?” Would you ask me that if I had a huge nose and a much huger lower lip?

-          “There’s a show tonight, I told my friends I’d bring my girlfriend, I’d like you to come with me (But I’m not your girlfriend) Well, I’m asking you now… will you be my girlfriend?” You say yes, and he dumps your ass after ‘tonight’

Anyways back to the kini at hand jare… “so, tell me exactly how he asked you to be his girlfriend, what were his words?” – blank – ummm… he didn’t. “He didn’t? I don’t understand” *clears throat* well, you know some relationships start without you knowing how it even started in the first place. We just started talking really, we were friends and then one thing led to the other and we’re now more than friends. No one really asked the other any question. “oh I see, I get what you’re trying to say…” *beaming up smiling so brightly again* you understand, right? “Oh yeah I do, I understand too well…”

Fast forward a few months… same girl

*sobbing* I just don’t know what to do anymore; I didn’t sign up for this “babe, calm down, what exactly happened. Well everything is happening all at once, he doesn’t talk to me anymore, he gets annoyed and calls me names at every opportunity… and today he said the most outrageous thing I have ever heard! “What’d he say?” *with tears in eyes* He said he’s tired, that he doesn’t even know how I pressured him into the relationship, that after all, he didn’t even ask me out, that I pushed myself into his life; and now he wants out… out of the thraldom I supposedly put him in. sighs… then give him out! He wants out? Give him out! *eyes widen* what! Babe, you didn’t just say that, did you?! Of course I did. Remember I was very quiet months ago after you narrated the story of how he did NOT ask you out? I was hoping this would not happen, but it has. So I’ll tell you what I didn’t tell you the last time… you offered yourself to him on a platter of gold, like ‘here take me, I’m all yours, free of charge, do with me whatever you want’. And he took you the way you offered yourself, FOC! You guys went from a-couple-weeks friendship to a relationship, and you didn’t even make it official! You think marriage is the only thing that needs to be made official? But it was clear he liked me! I didn’t think there was any need making a demand that he ask me out properly…” That is the point! If he really liked you, he would tell you all the things he likes about you, and would ask you like a gentleman should to be his girlfriend, bracing himself for whatever response you might give him and not give up so easily if you’d said no, making it clear to you that he cannot do without you. But this dude didn’t ask you out, not even in a cheesy way, he didn’t ask you at all! He took advantage of the fact that you liked him, and now that he’s done screwing (with) you, he’s blaming you for the failure of a relationship that didn’t even officially commence in the first place. So you’re going to do what he wants now, let him go! What if he never comes back, I love him! If he never comes back, then it means he doesn’t deserve you, and you my friend do not deserve low quality either. Trust me on this one, take back yourself, take back your platter of gold too… if he needs you, I’m sure he knows where and how to find you. Now, since nobody died… or did somebody die that I don’t know about? *shakes head* No. Good! Wipe ‘em tears and let’s go grab you some comfort food…

Is anyone getting the picture yet? Ladies? It’s simple, really… if he wants you, let him ask you. Don’t play the Assumption Game with him, cos someday he will assume himself out of the relationship, and try to paint you like you’re the desperate psycho bitch that wanted the relationship so bad. Don’t sell yourself cheap. Now I’m not saying let him beg and grovel, don’t send him away… but let him ASK. I won’t say it twice o... let him ASK! (oh, I’ve said it twice already! SMH) *whispering* LET HIM ASK!

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

Been a minute, my sweet tiny little hearts! How have you been?! Yeah, I know! I missed y'all too! Why I haven't been blogging? Oh my sweets! You have no idea what I've been through these past few days; but I will not bore you with that story now - just know that it's work-related, and I ended up with the flu!

So what mischief have you all been up to? I hear Davido's album launch is coming up and many of you want to kill yourselves getting the tix! Na una wahala be that, seriously! Nah... I don't have anything against Davido; I just don't understand why some people want to kill themselves over getting tickets to be at the launch... yawns


Moving on... I almost got a tattoo some days back. The only reason I didn't get it was cos I kept hearing a lotta voices in my head screaming and painting pictures of the several gruesome ways they'd kill me if I got it (my BFF's and several other family members' inclusive)... and since the world needs me too much, and I'm not ready to die yet, I decided against the tattoo (I don't promise not to get it done in the nearest future tho).

Next please... Ummm.. yeah, I fell in love! With... 'Ile Ijo' video by May D. I just love the dance steps done by Kaffy and her girls.. nice!

NEXT! I hear our young ladies' hearts are breaking cos all the young fine (and not so fine) men have suddenly developed a fetish for marrying white ladies women old enough to be their grandmothers! *sighs* Well, what's to be done?! Young ladies, let's meet in my office for brainstorming! I'm sure together we'll figure out how to charm (not jazz) and collect our young men back! (Even if it means occupying airports to forcefully snatch these young men when they are ready to leave the country with their newly acquired grandmothers, taking them to Bar beach to wash their heads with sponge and soap before returning them to their mothers for a good ass-whooping!). That should work!

So, I gotta get outta here. Got some business to attend to (while the superiors gulp down on their Wild Turkey... shhhhh! don't let them know I told you). Feel free to indulge yourself in a bottle or two of it, I hear it's good.

Happy second-to-last weekend in July! Much love!!!