THE PERSONAL CHALLENGE

Ever since I started sewing and creating stuff, I’ve become close with a few other people who like to sew too. So when my friend hits me up on Whatsapp the other day that he’s almost done with a new challenge, I’m like “Oh my goodness, trust these people to keep you on your feet even when you need those feet to rest”; ‘cause trust me, when your friend tells you hey I just made this, you like?, you start to feel like you’re the laziest person ever! Like, you could have been doing something instead of watching that stupid soap cos really you already know how the story will end. *hisses* so you get up your ass and get on the machine!
So I lazily reply him, “oh really, let me see it when you’re done”. You can’t imagine my relief when he said it was not a sewing project!

His project, his personal challenge was… *drum roll* *pause for effect* … staying away from porn and masturbation for a month! I know some of you will say, oh c’mon! I’ve gone without for longer than a month! *yinmu* ehn, we have heard! Drum roll for you too.

Now you might be wondering why my friend would disclose something like that to me… well, cos I and my friends can be close like that! Moving on…

Staying away from porn (and all other things that follow) can be quite a challenging thing to do; that’s why I’m always proud of folks who struggle to stop, abstain, burn CDs, Shift+Del their porn videos. So I know 3 people now who have made it their challenge to stop watching porn and I yaaaay them! Even if you’re just abstaining for some time, I’ll still yaaaay you cos that also is a bold step!

So why does this make me happy, and why am I blogging about it? Why, cos I think it’s worth it to cheer on people who have decided to drop really bad habits; cos not only have they taken on a big bold step, they also are courageous! May the good Lord grant the rest of us such courage! Amen.

PS: If y’all wanna start a Porn Anon. forum on my blog, feel free to ask me! Lol. No really, ask me!

*hugs*

CONFESSIONS OF A RUNAWAY BLOGGER

Hi! Given the long duration I’ve been away from blogging, I feel the urge and need to re-introduce myself (honestly I hope this doesn’t happen often in the future cos I still got some running to do). My name is Faith, aka FRJ, aka the Rebelkween. I’m the proud owner (not so proud tho) of this blog. I’ve gone AWOL for a while now and I’m so sorry! I apologise to my readers and friends (who HAD my blog link bookmarked on their Opera Mini).

So much time has gone and so many things have happened; and even though I would love to say “please bookmark me again”, I cannot promise that I’ll be as regular as I used to be. I, however, promise to try my best not to be so far away again. So Laoye, Francis, Jo, V (and all the others that didn’t ask where/why I was gone ‘cause they were too busy or just didn’t give a hoot), here I am – I give myself, again! Maybe not my whole self, but take me one blog post at a time.

So, what have I been up to? Well, two words can answer that – FASHION SCHOOL. It’s not like a real fancy fashion school, but it will suffice for now. Wait, what am I talking about? ‘Now’ is just a few weeks more, 4 to be precise. Yup, I finish with fashion school in 4 weeks; been at it since January. Made a couple of friends, learnt some things, and made some things (pictures below). Majorly it was 90% practical, 5% theory, 10% gossip, and the remaining 5% was fight, fight, fight! You know how some married women just love to hate on the single ladies.

Anyways, here are some of the things I made:

The Ankara Foot Mat

The Duvet

The Throw-Pillow

Purses

Rings et Bangles

Jacket, Waist Coat, Peplum Tops

Peplum Dresses etc.

Neck Pieces, Hair Bows

And of course! My parade attire (fabric bead, straight trouser with suspenders, refashioned tshirt with butterfly backslash design ;D)

So errr… what’s next is y’all think up label names for me. Don’t worry, I’ll keep an open mind and try to make something out of all the funny (and perverse) names I know you guys  are capable of coming up with! *insert grin here*

And oh yeah, dear recently-confessed stalker (you know yourself), feel free to resume your stalking ways, it’ll only get my writing-high on and for that I feel honoured, for the first time, to have a stalker!

XO

ANDREA: Episode 19

Written by: BlogAces

 

Co-written by: RebelKween

After she walked out on the guys, she'd spent the whole day drawing some clothing designs. It was a hobby she enjoyed but she still kept latent. Thinking and drawing the clothing designs seemed to take her mind off the turmoil she was feeling on her inside. Whenever she found the chance to do it, it gave her a certain serenity. It was a shelter where she ran to hide her from the ferris wheel that was her emotions.

She examined a few of her drawings and put them away. She then lay face up on the bed, shut her eyes and tried to relax. She felt strangely tired and weak. The events of earlier in the day still swirled right before her shut eyes like a movie on a projector. She still shuddered at the thought and kept on asking herself what she might have done differently. But she knew that she still had to give this a good thought. She had to admit to herself that Eddie and Sam were well within their rights to ask for what they did. But on the other hand, what was really working that Sam? Why couldn't the idiot just respect her privacy. She really was getting tired of Sam and his recklessly impulsive actions. If she had opened that door, she would have said some really mean things to him. What would she have said? Would she have told him she wasn't interested in him anymore? That would have ruined everything, wouldn't it? She sighed and rolled on the bed and wondered what everyone was doing now. She looked at the time on her phone. 7:34PM was the bold display on her blackberry smartphone. She sat up. That late? Time had rushed past her and she didn't even know. Then it dawned on her that she hadn't eaten all day but what was worse was that she had no appetite to eat. She had to put something in her tummy but she wasn't ready to walk downstairs to whip something up. She most definitely didn't have the strength to face any of the guys anymore that day. She decided she'd call Senami to send up a slice of toast and enough coffee to drown in. Just as she was about to pick up her phone, it started ringing. She picked to see the caller. It was Sam. She dropped the phone and turned away because she wasn't in the least ready for his issues. The phone rang and rang again. She kept ignoring. She was really mad at him for coming up earlier to disturb her peace inspite of her warnings. She wasn't sure she wanted to speak with him that evening. Was he even home? She couldn't have known. She decided to wait it out for him to get the message that she didn't want to speak with him before calling Senami. What a pest. After a couple more tries, there was a little quiet. She decided he had given up and picked her phone to call Senami.
"Hey Senami. Good evening. Yeah,please do me a favor; can you make me some toast and bring it up? And I'd like some coffee too. Decaf, please. Yeah thanks. So who's at home now?" She listened briefly. "Okay thank you. Just get me what I asked. Thank you." She ended the call.
Eddie was the only one at home and was in his room. She wondered where Sam was. Her phone beeped. It was a message. She knew it was going to be a Sam and decided not to read it. She really didn't want to be upset more than she was already so she ignored it. But curiosity just kept on biting at her so she decided to brace up for the worst and just read what Sam had sent. She picked up the phone and pushed on the track-pad of her blackberry to read the message. Sam had only sent three lines but the three lines left Andrea feeling dizzy with shock.

"You're not picking my calls. My mum just made a surprise entry into town. Off to pick her. Thought to let u know?"

She clasped her mouth with her hand as she read the message again and again as if the content would change if she read it more than enough times. She suddenly felt sick. This wasn't the plan at all. What did that old lady want in Lagos? Why did she have to come without advance notice? In fairness to Sam's mum, they wouldn't have let her come had she asked so it was a smart move on her part. Damn! Damn that woman. This was bad. There was no way she could come to the house. What would she say about Eddie and their marriage and... She didn't want to think about it. She decided to call Sam. Like a brewing storm, the headache had started building between her temple. She no longer needed any toast now. She was toast.

-------------------------------------------------

Sam was already driving to the park to pick his mum when his phone rang. It was Andrea. He scoffed as he wore his enhancement and connected the call.

"Hello Sam." It was obvious she sounded hesitant.

"Hello Andrea. Great to have you grace my phone with your call."

"You can get rid of the sarcasm right now and tell me this sms is one big joke."

"I wish I could but I can't, dear. On my way to pick her up as we speak."

"You're going to let her come to the house?" Andrea sounded concerned.

"She has me by the balls, Andrea. What would you have me do?"

"I dunno. She can't come over and you know this. How do you explain the set up to her?"

"I'm confused. I honestly am."

"Err... This may sound crazy but can you lodge her in a fancy hotel? Then we think this through properly to know the next thing to do. What say you?

"Hmmm... I could give it a shot but you don't know my mum. When she wants to stir up trouble, she isn't rational. I'll try but I'm not optimistic."

As a matter of fact I do, Sam. Andrea told hersef. And the apple didn't fall far from the tree.

"Please try. But in any case, let me prepare everyone in case this fails. But I really need you to do this. Damn, Sam. You didn't see this coming?"

"How could I have? Anyway, you do what you have to do and keep me posted. She called me some minutes ago to tell me she's waiting at the park. I have to go get her. It's dangerous for a lady to be there so late and it's my mother here."

"Okay dear. Let me know as it goes."

"Will do just that."

And with that he cut the call and kept on driving. Women. That was where the trouble for mankind started. The call from his mother had really disconcerted him. Too bad about Mitchell back there. She had turned out to be simply collateral. He wondered if she had started eating his meal that he left behind in the rush. He laughed to himself.

---------------------------------------------

There was a knock on the door.

"The door aint locked." Eddie said aloud.

The door opened and Andrea walked in. From the expression on her face, Eddie knew something was seriously amiss. He began to put away the laptop he was working on on his bed.

"Sam's mother is in town." Andrea dropped the bombshell. She felt like they were out of time so there was no bush to beat about.

"WHAT???" Eddie exclaimed.

Andrea sighed.

"How could Sam allow that? Is she coming here?" Eddie asked.

"Sam didn't know she was coming. She just showed up this evening and Sam is on his way to pick her up."

"Just great! You haven't answered the second question, Andrea."

"Well, I've asked him to take her to a good hotel but I doubt that would happen. So we have to start considering the possibility she might show up here tonight."

"Just great. So how does this work huh? Lemme guess. I'm gonna be like... (he clears his throat) Welcome ma to our humble abode. We're glad to have you here. I'm Edward, Samson and I are very great buddies. We're so tight we're both married to this lovely lady here." He flashed a mock grin.

"You're not helping with this, Eddie. I'm trying not to panic here."

"So what do you think we should do? And in case you wanna ask me to go on an unscheduled holiday, forget it. Come up with something else and I'll listen."

Andrea remained quiet for a while. She was virtually drained and she knew if she could survive the night, she could survive anything. She thought of a way out while Eddie just quietly studied her. There was a knock on Eddie's door and they both jumped.

"Who's that?" Eddie demanded.

"I'm the one, sir." Senami replied from behind the door.

"Well what..." But Andrea cut him off to go open the door for Senami. She collected the tray Senami was carrying, thanked her and shut the door. She stood there by the door backing Eddie for some moments. Then she approached the bed with the tray containing her meal.

"Apparently, she checked in my room and when she didn't see me, she guessed right that I'll be here." Andrea said.

"Okay."

She set dropped the tray containing her food and then turned to face Eddie with a pleading look. Eddie started feeling uncomfortable. Knots began to develop in his stomach.

"I need to ask you a favor, Eddie." Andrea held his hands and looked with shiny eyes into his bespectacled eyes. "I need you to do this for me if you really love me."

"I err... I'm not sure how to respond to this and this is really awkward but you ask and I'll do all I can."

"Well, Eddie, I suddenly have an idea that occurred to me and you have a huge part to play here. This is the deal..." As Andrea told him what she had in mind.

Outside the room, the scream of Eddie's "NO FUCKING WAY!!!!!!" seemed to reverberate around the whole mansion.

----------------------------------------------------

The weather was beginning to look gloomy and the darkness had set in. It was going to rain that night. That much was clear to Mrs Morenikeji. She strained her eyes to look at her watch using the reflection of light from a shop nearby. The hour hand of her watch was closer to the number '9' than it was to '8'. She hugged her bag closer to herself as the weather begin to cool. She was beginning to think it was a bad idea coming to Lagos after all. She fought for the umpteenth time the urge to call Sam to check up on him. She had decided to stay resolute till the very end. Some suspicious looking guys loafing around and nodding in her direction broke her resolution though. She fumbled for her phone in her bag to call Sam but she jumped with a start when she heard that unmistakably familiar voice say "Mum" behind her. She turned around to see Sam standing there and staring at her with an angry look on his face. Inspite of his expression, she had never felt so glad and relieved to see her son as she felt there and then.

------------------------------------------------

ANDREA: Episode 18

Written by: BlogAces

 

Co-written by: RebelKween

"Where did she go, Eddie?"

Without even turning from the T.V. screen he was looking at, Eddie replied dryly "She went upstairs to her room."

"To her room?" Sam asked in a loud voice and then kept silent for a while as he sorted out all the conflicting thoughts going through his mind. In a calmer voice, he spoke again; "Erm, Eddie, so erm... what did she say about the issue at hand? I mean, she couldn't just have walked away in the middle of an issue like this. She would have said something."

"If my memory serves me right, she said No. But then she seemed to change her mind and said she'll go through with it but she listed some conditions."

"And what conditions are those?" Sam asked.

At this, Eddie turned to face him and replied, "You'll have to ask her that yourself. But I suggest you do that later cos she doesn't wanna see anyone now."

"Now that's a truckload of bullshit!!!" Sam blurted out before he could stop himself. "I'm going to talk to her and I'm going to get answers!"

Eddie simply shrugged and then said "As you wish. I've told you what she'll have me tell you. Whatever you decide to do, you're on your own. Buena Fortuna."

Sam headed straight for the stairs as Eddie turned his attention back to the programme he was watching. Sam told himself that he just couldn't understand that bespectacled buffoon. How could he sit there and watch cartoons while Andrea acted like she was the one wearing the trousers in the house. Eddie could take all the bullshit for all he cared but he was having none of it. The buck stops with him. He was going to get an answer out of Andrea and he was not going to be beaten into submission.

He knocked on Andrea's door and waited. No response. He tried opening but it was locked so he banged on the door again.

"Sam, I just knew that had to be you." Andrea responded from inside but didn't open the door. "Please leave me alone. I need some time to myself."

"But that's where the problem is. I need to talk to you, Andrea. Please open the door and let's talk."

"I said No. I don't wanna talk to you or anyone now. I need some 'me' time and I don't appreciate you disturbing me right now."

"Look, babe, this is an issue we can and should discuss and resolve amicably. We don't have to go this route. I mean, let us..."

"I'm sure you have all your five senses working, Sam!" Andrea interrupted him with a cry. "And one of those senses is your sense of hearing. I will not have this conversation now so I suggest you get out from back there and leave me alone or else I'll do or say something we're both gonna utterly regret."

Sam was shocked to silence. He thought of saying something else to calm the situation but thought better of it. He left Andrea's door and walked to his room.

2hours, a long period of self pity, drinking and an alcohol induced nap later, Sam came out of his room feeling more depressed than he had ever been in a while. He hadn't taken too much alcohol so why did his head feel so woozy. His mouth actually felt dry. He strolled downstairs hoping the walk would make him feel a little better. He headed straight for the kitchen, poured himself a glass of ice-cold water from the dispenser and gulped it down greedily. He poured himself another glass as he walked out of the kitchen and towards the sitting where Eddie had not seemed to move from where he left him. He sat down heavily on the chair and took a sip from his water.

Eddie on his part simply allowed himself to be distracted as he studied Sam for a moment then turned back to what he was watching.

"Hmmm... Even Ben 10 left you sitting there." Sam said with a sneer. "Why not have a little dignity and hand over the remote control so that I can watch something REAL MEN tend to watch?"

"How did your little talk with Andrea go, Sam." Eddie asked seemingly oblivious to what Sam had said. "I'll bet you pissed her off badly. I'm sure you wanna know how I know this. Simple. That's one area where you're so good at what you do."

Sam laughed a mock laugher and said, "If I didn't know you're such a pain in the ass, I really might have liked your smart ass comments."

"Lucky me then."

Sam contemplated Eddie for a short while and he decided he had to try what he had decided to do.

"Look, Eddie. I'll need you to hear me out for once." Sam said and Eddie had to sit upright. It was obvious that what he had just heard Sam say had thrown him off balance. Sam continued.
"What I'm about to say is that what we're both asking Andrea for is perfectly reasonable. I mean, we're talking kids here and all that and I'm sure we both want our kids. So we're well within our rights and I think we should stand for it and not let Andrea use her emotions to out-muscle us on this one."

"You've been drinking, haven't you?"

"What the fuck has that got to do with anything?" Sam barked.

"Dunno. You really beginning to sound reasonable. I think I can live better around you when you're drunk." Eddie smiled.

Sam gave him a glare in return.

Eddie wiped the smile off his own face, adjusted his glasses and leaned forward. "So why are you telling me all these, Sam? And what do you propose? An 'Us' vs 'Her' situation, right? Is that what you're proposing."

"I'm not exactly putting it that way but if that's how best you understand it then fine. I'm saying we form a united front and put it across to her that that's what we want. We need it. We deserve it is all I'm saying."

Eddie sat back and seemed to think for a moment. The next time he leaned forward to speak, Sam saw the steely look in his eyes.
"Why would I wanna form a tag team with you on this matter or any matter at all? If you ask me, this is a personal issue. I address it my way and you do the same."

"Yes. But if we don't go together, as a last minute measure, Andrea will start to bounce us off each other. Use me as a shield when you show up and you as a shield when I do. She'll ask you what I'd think about it whenever you discuss it alone with her and stuffs like that. But if we go face her together, then she'll know we have her in the corner..."

"Then she'll fight back, Sam."

"No she won't. It might seem that way at first but she'll back down after a while. They always back down after a while."

"Well if you ask me, I think we should give her some time to sort things out. You should hear the conditions she put down before she decides to have kids."

Sam laughed. "What conditions? Dude, trust me, I know women. She might have said that when upset but she don't mean zilch by it. Every lady loves to have a kid, it's in their genetic make up and everything is all about genetic make up. We've set the ball rolling so all we have to do is keep it in play till she succumbs. But we have to keep playing and our best play is to form a united front. Giving her any form of space right now isn't a good move and it'll come back to bite us. What we need to do is be in her face till she backs down. We're the men. In evolution, it's in our place to back her down." He paused for a moment then continued.
"Look Eddie, I know we don't see eye to eye on any issue but we can at least agree on this one issue because it holds for us a mutual benefit kinda thing. At the end of the day, we both get what we want. Think about it."

Eddie seemed to think about it even as Sam stared at him expectantly.
After a couple of minutes, Eddie scoffed and turned to regard Sam with an expressionless look.

"Okay, Sam. You're being very persuasive and I grant you that.

"Thank you." Sam said quietly to which Eddie raised his hand.

"Not so fast, home boy. It's not thanking time yet. Lemme ask you one serious question and I'll need a straightforward answer to that. Any thing less than a straightforward question then we'll both have to forget this conversation ever took place. Are you okay with that?"

All of Sam's mental alarms started going into over-drive. But he nodded all the same.

"This is the question." Eddie cleared his throat. "So we follow your ingenious plan and all that and somehow, we get Andrea to agree to have kids. Now tell me, who gets a bite of the cookie first? Whose child is she having first? Mine or yours, Sam?" His eyes never left Sam's eyes.

"Erm... This is the deal, Eddie... Erm." It was Sam's turn to clear his throat. "We can always work out this between us. I mean, we have to be clear on this first before going to meet Andrea and all that but we can always..."

"Not so articulate anymore are we, Obama?" Eddie replied with a sneer. "You almost had me convinced with that gift of oratory you started with and all of a sudden, a question I thought you would have seen coming and planned for and you were rolling over your words.
You were right about one thing though, humans naturally tend to act according to their genetic make up and one of the most prevalent is the instinct for self survival which has evolved into selfishness and self-centeredness. We humans have become self serving." He pronounced the last two words slowly for emphasis.

Sam's face had begun to grow darker. "So what are you trying to say?"

"I'm saying that I can't trust you as far as I can throw you, Sam. NO DEAL! I'd rather take my chances and lose on this one than take sides with you. We go our different ways on this. It's nothing personal. Just watching my own back. You know... Genetic make up." He winked.

"YOU..."

But Sam didn't finish because at that moment, the living room door opened and Senami came in. She almost felt a bump because of the tension in the room.

"Good afternoon, sirs." The words tumbled out of her mouth.

"Good afternoon, Senami." Eddie replied pleasantly. Sam didn't say a word. He looked like he was gonna explode.

"I just wanted to get something." Senami said and dashed upstairs to her room as fast as her two feet could carry her.

Eddie made to continue watching TV.

"Now listen, a-hole." Sam hissed. "One way or the other, this is gonna happen. You think sucking up to Andrea will score you cheap points, huh? Ha ha fucking ha! Things will work my way one way or the other you'll see. Bitch ass cunt!"

And with that, he headed up to his room.

Eddie never took his eyes off the TV screen until Senami rushed out to inform him she'll be going back to church and won't be back till evening.

"No problem there. We'll be fine. Hope you told, Andrea?" Eddie asked.

"No I haven't. I knocked on her door but it seems she doesn't want to see anybody now."

"Okay. You go right ahead. I'll cover for you."

"Thank you, sir." She was out of the house in a moment.

Eddie picked up his laptop to type in some commands as he did some work. Not quite thirty minutes after Senami left, Sam was down the stairs all dressed to go out.

"Have fun, Sam." Eddie said.

Sam only glared at him and banged the door after him.

He walked to his car intent on what he had to do. He needed to get his mind off all the bullshit that was going on in the house. So he drove to the studio where he buried himself in some work. By the time he knew it, it was after 6pm and he decided to go unwind. He drove to the Mall at Lekki where he decided to catch a movie and maybe score with a babe before heading home. He wanted to get home as late as possible. As he parked and walked into the mall, a sharp pang in his tummy reminded him that even though he had consumed a reasonable amount of alcohol, he had not eaten all day. It was almost 7pm. He decided he'll be missing some minutes of the movie as he headed towards a KFC outlet. He made his order and settled down to eat when he saw a very beautiful lady sitting alone not too far away. "Just the distraction I needed." He told himself as he studied the lady for a while. When he was convinced he had to move, he picked up his order and walked towards her table.

"Hi." He said in the most baritone voice he could muster.

"Hello." The young lady replied and continued eating her meal.

"Hope you don't mind me taking this seat?"

"I'm sitting on all the seat I need now. That seat is available and it's a free world."

Sam laughed at this.

"A pretty lady with a sharp wit. Very impressive." Sam said as he settled down the lady didn't seem to hear.

"My name's Sam."

No response.

"I take it a lot of guys hit on you so you can tell when a guy wants to hit on you from a mile away, right?"

"Yes, Mister Sam." She replied. "You got that right. Another day because today, I'm not in the mood for any guy's sweet talk."

"Too bad then. Now I don't have to try this pick up line I just formed on you. It's a pick up line that I'm certain wouldn't fail. Meanwhile, you can ditch the 'mister', I don't need it."

She sipped her drink and Sam could tell she was curious. Curiosity, the hook that never failed to catch a lady. This one had bitten. It was time to employ the second strategy. It was time to haul in.

"Hmmm." She said. "So if you're so sure it'll work, why are you afraid to use it?"

"Let me put it this way... Err... Kindly lend me a name, please."

"Michelle." She replied without a smile.

"Thank you. Lemme put it this way, Michelle, I...." He was cut off because at that moment his phone started to ring. He took it out of his pocket to see the caller ID and his expression went a little pale. He cut the call.

"What's the matter, Sam." The lady cooed. "The wife calling? Or is it the mummy?" She pouted.

Sam looked sharply at her. He wasn't so sure he had any appetite anymore inspite of the hunger biting at him and he wasn't sure he wanted to speak with this pretty bitch anymore. His phone rang again. Michelle promptly returned to her meal while she cast occasional glances at the visibly uncomfortable guy across her table.

Sam stood up and walked a short distance away to pick his call without even bothering to excuse himself. The lady could have been a finished plate of food right then for all he cared. He had a bad feeling about this call and it took just some seconds for his fear to be confirmed.

"WHAT???" He screamed into the phone. His voice seemed to echo around the mall. A little kid actually dropped her ice-cream. Everyone had to stop what they were doing to look in his direction to be sure all was alright. What they could see was a young man in obvious distress.

Sam listened some more. It was like the world had come crashing in on him. He grabbed and sat on the nearest chair he could find. His legs were giving way under him.
"You can't be serious, mama. You just can't be. I refuse to believe you."

He listened some more as he seemed to grow much older right there and then.

----------------------------------------------------

"So I'll be waiting for you here." Sam's mother was saying. And don't think I'm going anywhere till you come. I'll sleep here if I have to. If you don't come, then I'll know you're a bastard and I don't have any son. I'll be here waiting for you to come and pick me and I suggest you hurry up because this is a garage and it's dark already. It's not a safe place to be at night. Ehen."

With that she ended the call and with a clenched teeth and a determined look on her face, she put her bag between her legs, rested her chin in her right palm and waited for what would happen next.

ANDREA: Episode 17

Written by: BlogAces

She was having a talk with the young man when she thought she heard her name. She had to be sure so she halted the guy in mid sentence with a raise of her hand as she cocked her head to listen.

There.

She heard it now. Still very faint but unmistakably the falsetto voice of her mother. Damn! She had to rush to go answer. If her mum should step out of the house and find her way to the side to meet her like this, there'll be hell to pay. Not just for her but for this brave visitor of hers who was crazy enough to come check her at home.

'Dorcas!'

It was a little louder now so they both heard it. Dorcas seemed to push the young man to hurry along and signalled him that she'll be seeing him later even as she rushed into the house to meet her mother who was already screaming her name again..

"Dorcaseeee...!!!"

"Ma!" She shouted back with a trace of defiance as she ran into the house to meet her mum in the sitting room seated on the three seater couch. The mother was taking a nap when Dorcas got the call and surreptitiously stepped out of the house.

"Where are you coming from, Dorcas?" The mother asked in irritation. "I've been calling you since. Where did you go to?"

"I was just outside, ma. It was kind of hot inside and I was getting restless so I thought to step out of the house and get some fresh air."

The mum stared at her in a way Dorcas always felt very uncomfortable with. It was like she was looking into your soul. Ripping apart every layer of lies until she uncovered the truth there somewhere. It was really disconcerting.

"When you were feeling restless, why didn't you take up your books to start reading? Or don't you get to read again because you're on holidays?" The mother asked.

No response.

"Anyway, I'm just saying my own o!" The mother went on. "I know all the guys have their eyes on you but they only want to deceive you. No man wants to marry a liability anymore so you had better focus on your education so you can get good grades and a good job. I'm just saying my own."

And the fact was that Dorcas' mum had genuine reasons to be scared. Dorcas was due to be twenty in a few months so normally, she should not be keeping her daughter under her thumbs but even though the young lady had a small bosom (she was a size 32), at the other end, it was a different matter entirely and the elderly lady knew from the looks she always caught men giving her daughter that she was one of the most lusted-after girls in Osogbo. Dorcas was the kind of babe that you would say has a pleasant face but she just stopped short of being pretty. Her hair was quite long and she had a lovely dark skin with milk-white even teeth. She wasn't exactly proud of the size of her boobs but she knew she had killer hips and a very generous mound behind her so she played on her strength by developing the kind of walk that would put her behind in full swing. And the result was that half of the men population in Osogbo where she lived couldn't take their eyes off her when she walked past. They practically gaped. The other half just seemed to glance at her uninterestedly in the open but they fantasised about her in secret. They were the older men of the town. She was coming from the market a few days before when she met the young man she was chatting with. The guy was quite good-looking and very charming with words. She didn't understand how he charmed her out of her name and phone number that day. After that first meeting, her figure was all he could think about. After some persistent calling, he finally got her address and despite her warnings, he was crazy enough to show up at the house of a woman that would have bitten him till she tasted blood had he been caught. Dorcas liked his boldness. She was being charmed by his words until the sound of her mother's voice broke the spell. Her mother's voice was a real spell breaker.

"So where's my phone o? Her mum voice cut off her thoughts.

"I don't have it, ma."

"Ehen. I need to make an urgent call. Do you have credit on your phone?" Dorcas wasn't fooled though. To her mother, urgent calls meant she was seriously missing someone or worried about the person.

"I don't, ma. I only have enough to flash."

"Is that so?" And the mum gave her that look that she always hated for a couple of moments before breaking off the stare.

"Help me call my line let me find my phone first. Then I'll need you to go buy me recharge card." Dorcas was already dialling the number and then waited for the phone to ring. It rang somewhere around where the mum was seated so she helped to search around the couch. She probed until she found the phone and handed it to her mother.

"Thank you." The mother said. "Now take Two Hundred Naira out of the Three Hundred Naira change I have with you and go buy me recharge card, please."

"Which one should I buy, ma?" Dorcas asked and immediately regretted it.

"What stupid question is that? How many networks do you know me with? When all you silly girls of nowadays start thinking about boys like this..."

Dorcas didn't wait to hear the rest of it as she was already out of the house wondering what made her ask the truly stupid question.

Her mother sat back and sighed. Her mind wandered to different places through time. She was really a battle scarred old lady. Her husband had died five years before and she usually remembered him with mixed feelings. She had been married to him for almost three decades and she was battered all through the marriage until his death through the bullet of escaping armed robbers. On the fateful day, he had handed her a severe beating for daring to challenge him for wanting to go drinking with his friends that evening. He had beaten her so bad that he left her with one eye swollen shut. Even presently, the eye still hurt her from time to time. So it must have been karma that her husband got the bullet in the eye as the robbers were firing at will while trying to evade the cops.
His drinking buddies rushed him to the hospital to save his life but a few minutes after midnight, he was confirmed dead. Later that morning, their compound was a beehive of activities. The new widow was inconsolable. She cursed her departed husband for not heeding her warnings, she cursed the armed robbers for not finding better things to do with their lives and for turning her two kids to orphans, she cursed the police for not curbing crime and arresting the robbers, she cursed her late husbands friends for being irresponsible and not staying with their own families, she cursed the government, she cursed everyone she believed was remotely involved in the tragedy. Even her distraught son who had rushed in from University found it hard to console his mother. It was pathetic watching as she wailed with tear flowing from even the badly swollen eye. The constant beatings her husband meted out to her was a well documented fact that everyone around knew about. So they felt sorry for her even though some of the ladies there didn't have any sympathy for the late husband. He was a brute and that was all there was to it. The burial had been painful and quiet but life had gone on. Her son had returned back to the university leaving his mother and his teenage sister to help heal the wounds of the loss.

"Here is the card, ma." She snapped out of her thoughts. She didn't even hear Dorcas enter. She collected the card and proceeded to load it.

"When last did you hear from your brother?" She asked Dorcas.

"Err... Like last week. I called him."

"What did he say?"

"Nothing much. Just asked after school and all that sha. Asked after you, ma."

"Hmmm... That's why I didn't want him to marry that girl. I've not seen my son in like a year now. When we tell you kids of these days something, you'll never listen. Anyway, let me call him first. I want to see him."

She dialled the phone and waited for the connection.

-----------------------------------------------

Sam looked from Andrea to Eddie and back to Andrea. They were both looking so embarrassed. He actually had to admit to himself that he enjoyed the look of discomfort on Eddie's face.

"Well, well, well... You guys are having a family meeting of such magnitude and you wanted to leave me out?" Sam said with a smile. "Anyway, I forgive you both. I'll try to catch up. Go on." He sat down and stared at Andrea.

"What do you want me to say, Sam?" She asked.

"Let's just say that as much as I hate to, I'll have to agree with him on this one." He said this while nodding in Eddie's direction.

"I think we should start thinking about kids. I like kids and I'd like to have mine so what do you say to that, babe?"

Andrea was really lost for words. She had anticipated this issue and had actually broached the issue of kids but she couldn't believe she was on a hot seat thrashing out the issue before the two of them! She always prided herself on having everything under her control but this was way out of control. It was time to go for broke.

"No!" She blurted out.

"No???" Sam exclaimed in shock. Even Eddie who had been embarrassingly quiet couldn't hide the panic in his face. "What do you mean by 'No?' You should at least give this a good thought, you know? I mean..."

At just that moment, his phone rang. He picked it up to look at the caller ID and rolled his eyes. "You know what, honey? I need to pick this call. You stay right there. I'll be right back. We need to finish this. Excuse me." He headed for the kitchen to take his call.

Andrea turned to face Eddie with a glare that could have melted metal.

"I'm sorry, babe. That was tactless of me. I should have waited till we had our privacy. Just thought it was the right time." Eddie looked really contrite.

Andrea visibly relaxed. "Yes you should have, Eddie. But it's okay."

"Good to know we're cool. So about that issue..." He looked to make sure the kitchen door was still shut. "What you just said now, I meant that 'No,' it doesn't apply to your Eddiekins now, does it?" He flashed her his most charming smile and Andrea returned it with a charmer of her own.

"Of course it applies to you too, sweetie. It applies to the both of you. You two are just being selfish!" Her countenance changed to anger.

"Wait Andrea. I'm just sayi..." She cut him off with her raised hands.

"Let me finish what I'm saying goddammit!"

Eddie went mum.

"Did you guys care to think of me and my growing career before coming all macho to ask for kids? Not once. When they start coming, you guys in typical guys fashion will find all kinds of silly excuses to stay away and leave my life on the precipice. Three months before childbirth and four months after, I'm a sitting duck. For at least seven months, I can't do nothing. So after it all, I have to start from scratch and I'm talking about something I find so much joy and fulfilment in... but then, I may have a proposition. If you guys insist on kids, then fine by me. We can do kids. But on some conditions that I'll spell out. Now listen; for whoever I'm expecting his child, he'll have to take a leave or resign three months before the child arrives. I'll need him to run business errands for me, drive me to see clients, go shopping for me. He'll be there when the child arrives and we'll be sharing the same room for a year. He can resume his job five months after the baby arrives. We'll have to take turns changing the diapers and carrying and petting the screaming baby to sleep. When the kid starts school, it'll be the responsibility of the father to take them to school and I'm totally fine with picking them up. All these conditions I'll be writing down and whoever is interested in going first can sign and then we can get this bloody circus rolling. If there's anything I missed out, I'll add it when I'm drafting the agreement. When Mr Macho in there is done with the call he's taking, kindly pass on my terms so that you clowns can tell me who wants to go first. In the meantime, I'm going to my room now and I honestly don't want to be disturbed right now."

With that, she left a stunned speechless Eddie as she headed for her room.

-------------------------------------------------

When her mum ended the call, Dorcas knew all wasn't well. Her mum was staring straight ahead at nothing in particular. She was brooding.

"What did he say?"

Her mum replied her without taking her eyes off the nothing in particular she was staring at.

"It seems that witch is turning my son into another thing. No plans to come see me, nothing. I warned the stupid boy but he wouldn't listen. Seems I've kept quiet and played gentle too long."

And with those words, Dorcas saw the contemplative look turn into the stubborn look her mum always wore when she had her heart set to do something. That 'something' from Dorcas' experience wasn't only going to be ugly but it would take death only to stop her.

"Come with me, Dorcas! I need to go and pack some stuff. I'm travelling to Lagos." The mum was on her feet. 

Uh-oh! "Erm... Mummy! Did you tell brother that you're coming?"

"No, I didn't."

"So how will you know where to look for him? Lagos is big o. Or do you know where he stays?"

"No, I don't. When I get to Lagos, I'll call him at the park to tell him I'm around. I want to know whether he won't come and pick me. That's when I'll finally decide my son is a bastard and that the witch has totally taken over him."

"So you're going tomorrow morning, abi?"

"No. I'm going today. This afternoon. I want to get there in the evening and if possible by night."

"Ha! I don't know about this one o. I'm not sure if it's a good idea."

"Shut up and come and help me pack. I know what I'm doing. Your brother needs to be taught a lot of sense. And if he's under any influence, I intend to break that influence and break that witch too if I have to. I must see how he's doing today and that's that."

"Okay, ma" Dorcas responded in resignation.

"I don't have to tell you to take care of yourself and watch the shop while I'm away. And I must not hear any nonsense about any stupid boy loitering around. Do you hear me?

"Yes ma."

"Good. Now that the question is over, let me go and get ready. By the time I'm done with that witch, both her and Samson won't know what hit them!" She declared.

Of that, Dorcas had no doubt whatsoever.

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