KILANBAKA!

Waaaay back before I got into the Uni, I used to work with this couple; and a certain very handsome, very tall, very fair in complexion dude used to come around a lot... I think at some point, we became friends. His name was Kayode! Yes, was! Long story, but I'll shorten it!

I got into Uni the following year and to my surprise Kayode was a student there... Somehow, we never talked to the point where he'd tell me he was a student of OOU! Anyways, familiar face in an environment that still seemed very unfamiliar to me was very welcome; although that friendship did not exactly become stronger... the gap between us did not allow it -  I was a fresher and well... he was not a fresher, he was actually one of the big boys in school, drove a car, had a lot of money to throw around, et cetera!

Later, I started to hear a lot of rumours about how Kayode's ways weren't "pure"... well, that's how we used to say it then... "him way no pure at all!". Some thought he was into internet fraud, others thought he was a gigolo, some even thought he was into voodoo! You see, there were a lot of boys back then that we'd heard plenty stories about how they had sacrificed one thing or the other just so they could be one of the rich and famous in school! Boys (and girls) that wanted to put the cart before the horse!

Anyways, Kayode and I, at that time, never saw anymore; so there was no way I could find out what was going on with him.

Then one day, I was in my room, and my friend Yano comes in and says, "Hey babes, remember that your Kayode friend? He died overnight... They'd gone to a club in Ijebu-Ode, they were all drunk, Kayode drove, they were involved in an accident and Kayode was the only one that COULD not survive! They said if he hadn't been a heavy smoker and drinker, maybe his organs wouldn't have put up so little fight..."

All I could say was "But kini Kayode n ba ka!". Unfortunately, whatever it is he was ba ka-ing, it was too late! Too late to say goodbye, too late to ask if the rumours were true, too late for anything! All that handsomeness gone too soon cos he didn't understand that for every thing there is a season!

Years later, my friend T-Beiz does this song (KILANBAKA), and I think of all the people that wanna run ahead of time and be "big" NOW! All the folks that only think about shining NOW! I think of the people that have thrown patience and long-suffering away, and have chosen haste, the present, the temporary glitter over a permanent one! I think of Kayode - tall, handsome, fair Kayode with the great smile and beautiful teeth... coulda been somebody's husband, father, somebody's shoulder to lean on!

Ki la n ba ka! It's a Yoruba saying that means "What exactly are you all over the place about?" Sometimes, people are looking for stuff that is not lost! Sometimes people forget that waiting is the answer. Waiting for your time, and preparing yourself for when that thing arrives. Many want things that they cannot currently handle, and then they meet all sorts of unfortunate things at the end!

As I listened to this song again, my heart bled for Kayode and tears filled my eyes...

My Labour Law lecturer used to recite one Yoruba adage to us back then, he'd say "A kii saaju eleede peede!" It sorta means that one shouldn't presume to know better than the owner/creator (of something). God knows what's best for you, and when it's best for you; and He cannot give you more than you can handle! Please let us not try to become what we are not ready to become, and when we are not ready to become it! B'ori ba pe ni'le, a di're, all na time!

Seems like I've started rambling! This is the Kilanbaka song; performed by my friend T-Beiz, produced by the wonderful gentleman that was also the producer of my gospel medley and DWW song - Ski. Also available for download on notjustok. Enjoy!

RISE UP!

Hey guys,

So, this is not a write-up... I'm staying up late tonight (got some serious work to do!), and I jus' heard this song... Written by my girl, Sia... Performed by Queen B aka Mama Blue Ivy... I'm loving it, and it's on repeat! Thought I'd share...

For all my insomniac friends, and all those who are staying up to get some work done too, let me be the matriarch of your night! Here's Rise Up:

Hosted by Kiwi6 file hosting.

Download mp3 - Free Music Hosting.


(It's actually the soundtrack for Epic, for those who've seen the movie)

Now That You Want To Marry…

I wrote this for a friend's magazine (Cosmic Ray) a while back... Thought I'd blog it on this lovely Saturday >>>

Two of my colleagues just gave me the news (well, not at the same time) – they’re getting married. Oh wow! Rice and stew very plenty, and Ankara too!

As much as I was excited for them, my radar was all over the place. Why were these ladies getting married now? I mean, yeah they’re already at very marriageable ages BUT something just didn’t feel too right; so I sent my human German shepherds to go sniffing, and yes, they did find something…

There was nothing mysterious about Lady A’s sudden wedding announcement; Lady B, however, was pregnant! Hence, rush wedding hour! Not like I’m saying there’s anything mysterious about pregnancies; as a matter of fact, finding out that you’re expecting a child WHEN you indeed want one is a wonderful thing.

Lady B is expecting, but does she want it?

‘It’ doesn’t just mean the child; ‘it’ means everything! The child, the rush wedding, the about-to-change marital status, the new responsibilities as a mother and wife, the man! Yes, the man! Not every girl out there is married to their Mr. Right, because they ‘mistakenly’ got pregnant for Mr. Not-So-Right!

Pregnancy, pressure, haste – what is pushing you to fix a date? Are you like Lady A who is shopping for a wedding dress because that time has come and she WANTS to be married or are you like Lady B who isn’t well enough to go shopping yet because of the evils of the first trimester?!

“I do…” You’ve been dreaming of those words; words that once uttered seals the deal. Life will be such bliss after those words; the pressure, the disrespect back at home, everything ends! BUT do you know that new things begin after those words? Are you ready?!

Apply some brakes to your very sugary thoughts about how your life will be much better after “I do”; answer this question for me – what exactly are you do-ing?! Agreed, you DO take him/her as your lawfully wedded husband/wife, to love, respect and honour him/her throughout your years together… yada yada yada! Yeah, I get it up to that point, but…

DO you take him/her when his/her hygiene is intolerable?

DO you take him/her when he/she has a zero relationship level with God?

DO you take him/her when his/her health is really (REALLY) poor?

DO you take him/her when he’s/she’s comparing you with girlfriends/boyfriends past?

DO you take him/her when his/her angry looks are throwing daggers right at you bull’s-eye style?

DO you take him/her when y’all run into his/her ex and you discover there’s some unburied ish still going on?

DO you still take him when, after a quarrel, he refuses to talk to you for days?

What about when y’all are experiencing a little bit of financial setback, and she calls you ‘useless’ and ‘good-for-nothing’; DO you still wanna DO ?

What if you had a miscarriage and he says “look, the only reason we were (translate to 'I was') getting into this was ‘cause of the pregnancy, let’s call off the wedding”, DO you still..?

If you still DO after you’ve thought about all these stuff and more, and you think you can take it all, then congrats! You can, indeed, say you WANT to marry; go on, I give you the go-ahead to go down on your best knee and ask her to be yours forever!

Just remember, once you say I DO, you have given yourself – body and soul – to the one you love. The die is cast. It will be too late to question whether his snoring drives you crazy with irritation or whether she’s the most annoying person during her cycle! Better to be sure before you decide you WANT to marry.

My work here is done! Hope you enjoyed reading it! Y'all have a wonderful weekend... 

CORRINE II

Olamilekan.

People are quick to see the negative sides of things, I know that from experience! I don’t know if it is pessimism, or fate jus’ has a way of bringing you the worst because you have always had the mentality of “preparing for the worst”.

Adesewa.

There are many awkward moments in life… One of them is when you walk up to a girl in a club and yell (cos of the loud music) “hey, I know you! You go to Bowen, don’t you?” “Ummm… no!” *cue in my Corrine blonde moment look* Of course, I knew she did not go to Bowen, but hey, I was bored outta my mind and I decided to errr… what is that Dre calls it sef… aha! “dare the impossible!” Hehehe… Not that what I did was impossible! It just took a lot of (alcohol in the) guts!

“Oh, sorry. I’m Corrine. Is it me, or is clubbing overrated?!” Miss Gorgeous laughed out loud, “First time?” “Yep, and I wish I had just stayed back at home!” “Oh poor darling…” She laughs some more. “Oya come let’s dance”.

Two girls jiggling to D’banj’s Suddenly, with not a care in the world! That’s the story of Sewa and I – a friendship that has lasted for years, and only grew stronger even after I confessed to her about my Bowen pick-up line!

The Date I Crashed.

Noir. Schwarz. Nero. Svart. Black. Colour I love! Is it weird that I love black? Like I said before, people always are quick to see only the negative sides of things. “Kilode? Are you mourning? Who died?” I hear that on the regular, cos I wear black clothing a lot! Folks fail to see that black oozes mystery, power and elegance! In the world of fashion and design, a black suit can make you thinner, and a black background will make all the other colours stand out!

So after I decided to crash Sewa’s date, the next dilemma was what to wear; I was gonna wear a Bart Simpson tee and crazy jeans for my now-cancelled date. Now I was in the mood to cause some serious havoc, and I knew the only thing that could do it was that black gown Mr. Eric sent to my agent’s office for me the other day. We had gone to model some of his clothes, and someone must have whispered in his ears that black was my favourite colour during or after the shoot. I took the dress out of my wardrobe with a mischievous smile on my face; I can imagine the look on Sewa’s face when I locate what table she’s at with her date. Will the dude be cute? Sewa was never really a sucker for good looks, as long as the dude was eloquent and he’s got great arms; I once asked her what the story was with the arms, she said “Good strong arms just makes me fantasize about falling, and Seigneur Strong Arms catches me just before I hit the floor; and he bends to plant a deep kiss on my lips!” I hit her face with the pillow before she caught her breath enough to continue with her fantasy, “You have got to stop watching cartoons and Indian movies, I swear!” But really, I thought about it, I wouldn’t mind being in that kinda situation even if it’s just once… every girl should be entitled to a true-love’s-kiss moment once in their lifetime!

I was torn between wearing a bra or not under the dress. How much chaos am I willing to cause exactly? I decided little chaos would do, before dude forgets who he really should be paying attention to by the time I get to their table. I let Sia’s Breathe Me play as I began to dress, humming along with the She Wolf crooner… “unfold me, I am small and needy…”

I was overdressed! Who cares! Fortunately, ‘cos it was the World Cup period, the restaurant 

had only a few people in it; I didn’t have to look around for so long before I spotted Sewa, she was wearing the blue version of my black sequined sleeveless top. We had bought it when the boutique near the house was doing their price slash week; and she was wearing the leather leggings. Even as a girl, I was mentally drooling as I approached their table.

“Hey S!” I started to grin like I was a lil tipsy on gin, but then I stopped as I saw the larger grin on Sewa’s face – not quite the expression I was hoping for. “You never disappoint, C! We’ve been expecting you!” We? I had not paid any attention to her date, but ‘cos of that one word – we – I was interested; I turned my head and let’s jus’ say I struggled to breathe for the next few seconds. “Easy girl, it’s just me, not the grim reaper!” That voice. Even if his ‘fro was gone, and it took me a lil bit to recognise him… that voice!

I turned back to Sewa, “S, you didn’t!” “Actually, she didn’t. It was all me, knowing how much you love dramatic gestures. Now, please would you take a seat and join us, three is not necessarily a crowd.” He got up to help me in the chair that obviously was reserved for me; I stopped him and glowered, looking straight into his eyes. If looks could burn, an extinguisher couldn’t save him! I felt Sewa touch my arm, “Corrine, please, calm down first na. There are answers to your unasked questions…” “I don’t have any questions.” I brushed her hand off my arm, turned and started to walk out of the restaurant, forgetting to wonder if anyone – male or female – turned their heads to stare as I walked out the door, as is the norm.

Olamilekan.

The first and only time I fell in love, I prepared for the worst; maybe because I’ve heard so 

many people say it’s the best thing to do, but that’s what I did – prepare for the worst; and the worst did happen!

Dude I never wanna run into ever again, I literally walked into him myself!

No really, Sewa didn’t!

*****

Follow @a_ohjay – Ceo Valeo Photography
She captures the moment & we carve out the words. An artistic partnership that works. 

Written by Faith John @rebelkween

Inspired by @fragiletimbzz 

 

CORRINE

“Corrine! Corrine! Corrriiiinnnneeeee! Are you suddenly deaf?!” That was Sewa screaming like an annoying biatch! Well, she can be that a couple of times more than I want her to be, but I love her still… ours isn’t like the mushy mush mush bestie whatever kind of thing that girls do, we just connect. She understands me, doesn’t judge, got my back just as I got hers, although sometimes, I be wanting to get more than her back… hehehehehe!

“So tell me about this new guy. He cute?” “Ohhh Sewa! Yes, he’s cute! And yes, I’m interested… in the only wayyy you know I can be interested!” “Aw shush C! You know you can be interested with your heart and not your… anyways, y’all meeting up sometime soon?” “Yea, I’m watching the game with him tonight at the bar. Wanna come?” “Neeehhhhh! I got plans myself. Know what? You can tell me all about your date and I can do same later on BBM, yea?” “Sure, ‘slong as you don’t sleep on me this time, you always do!” “Hahahahaha! I’ll try not to tonight. There… I hung your white shirts, deal with the rest. I’m outta here!” “Thanks babes. I’ll see your ass later!”

Corrine Olufowokan. That’s me! 29. Orphan. Live with aunt and her husband. Got an apartment at the back of the house to myself. I’m pretty much left alone. Don’t drink, don’t smoke, not saying I’m a saint, I got my vices; I work, sometimes as a model, sometimes as a script writer to my boss who never pays enough! I mean, hell! that shii is tasking and nigga jus comes up with too much excuses not to pay me some good money, I’mma quit on his ass soon! Ok, at this point, you figured out one of my vices, no? I cuss. It’s an old habit, dying hard!

Picture above is one of my modelling jobs, I loved this one! I didn’t sweat too much in the sun like some of the other jobs! I remember how the photography dude and the production manager had issues whether I should take off my belly chain or not. I jus’ sat legs crossed under the shade watching ‘em two argue. The thing is the belly chain’s important to me, matter of fact it’s symbolic. You see, I’ve been in love one time, jus’ one time! And it ended really badly! I will not go into details, but I will say this… never date a colleague at work except if you’ve got a crystal ball or a tarot card reader who can assure you that everything will work out fine and y’all will live happily ever after! But if not, then never! My two point five cents!

So after the whole ordeal with the former colleague/ex-boyfriend/dude-I-never-wanna-run-into-ever-again, I walked into a store one day and saw this silver belly chain, and even though I wasn’t into stuff like that, I fell in love almost instantly. Ever since I paid for it, I wore it every day! Like, I said it’s symbolic for me. You see, a lotta girls get into a lotta trouble because they mix matters of the heart with matters of the V region! Seriously, most guys care not so much about your heart (I said “most”!); matter of fact, most don’t care if you are breathing, as long as down there is breathing! That’s all that matters! Unfortunately, girls usually learn this the hard way! I know Corrine did (yes, I usually refer to myself in the third person sometimes; they say it’s a sign of narcissism? Oh well…)

Back to my silver belly chain story… at some point in my life, I figured I’d have to separate my heart from… from everything else! That’s where the chain comes in! My heart can stay up there and all the other roaring, this-girl-is-on-fire emotions can stay down there! So my SBC is like a silver bullet *grins* lil Miss Wolverina V down there can devour all she wants as long as she doesn’t try to make contact with the heart! Silver bullet shoots her out of the wolf mode if she does!

So that’s my story of the silver belly chain and all the body parts involved! Back to the argument, the photo guy won and my SBC was part of the shoot obviously! Think I’ll cancel tonight’s date and crash Sewa’s; girl should learn to stop telling me everything including time and venue of her dates! *evil grin*

Follow @a_ohjay – Ceo Valeo Photography
She captures the moment & we carve out the words. An artistic partnership that works. 

Written by Faith John @rebelkween

Inspired by @fragiletimbzz 

WHAT'S HAPPENIN'

Hey guys!!! TGIF!

Don't got much to say, cos I got much to do elsewhere... I'm jus' really enjoying my evening and I thought I'd share one of my very old best songs with y'all! My dad almost killed my bro and I for watching this video one time like that, we were  really YOUNG! Lol!

Anyways, I hope most of you can watch it, it's Method Man feat. Busta Rhymes - What's Happenin'! Enjoy!



(Feel free to gist me how your evening is going, I'll be on my BBM! *winks* C'mon!)

FATHER’S DAY

First, I would like to say a happy father’s day to all the fathers out there who deserve it. A special shout out to my Papa John, no one like you!

And to all that their fathers are late (no milder way to put it), you are not without a father; you have the Father of all fathers with, behind, around, in front and on top of your matter! So no sad faces today, please! Thank you!

And y’all that have some sort of grievance with the men who sired you, today might just be the day to bridge that gap, ‘fore they’re gone for good! Your heavenly Father forgives all the time, why can’t you (considering you’ll become a parent too, some day).

Now to all the mothers like fathers, the widows who have stood strong, who have metamorphosed into being mothers, sisters, nurses, friends AND fathers all at once; the single mothers who try their hardest not to be ‘inadequate’ - more power to your elbows!

So I saw something today! I know how hard it can be to a parent, especially when you have to dress all the kids for Sunday service, but please can we pay special attention to our girls; a 5 year old girl was sitting on a pavement somewhere and it was obvious she was not comfortable. It did not take long for me to figure out why, her butt crack and pink panty was out in the open, I looked at the jean, there was no belt on it… lil wonder!

Now what really bugged me was the about-10 year old boy that was staring hard at her! I felt like smacking the back of his head! Na so these things dey start o, small time we go hear story of how one small boy cornered one smaller girl.

Without wanting to spoil the mood of the day, please mothers put a belt on ‘em jeans and protect your daughters' butt cracks; fathers, teach your boys it’s rude to stare! Smack ‘em if that’s what will get the message across!

Happy Sunday and happy Fathers’ day once again!

ALL PEOPLE GO TO HEAVEN?

Earlier when the news that Kefee had died was spread all over the internet, Tee and I were discussing about it – what killed her etc. – cos me I didn’t even know she was sick or anything like that… I don’t even know anything these days, that’s why Shughar calls me LASTma, I’m like the last person to hear things!

Anyways, preeclampsia? Never e’en heard of that one, so I did a quick search and I learned it’s a pregnancy disorder characterised by hypertension, fluid retention etc; which can lead to eclampsia which in turn is characterised by convulsions and coma during or immediately after pregnancy! Sighs! O ga o. News has it that she did not die of that though, but still... she's gone! :(

In the course of our discussion, Tee and I, we sha said one thing that led to another thing, and she said “everyone go go heaven”, and I responded “BH no go go heaven”. Lol! Ok, it’s not funny; I just blurted it out without thinking. Maybe all the killing and getting ‘em Chibok girls pregnant is getting to me too much. I just don’t see how mass murder and impregnating those poor girls without consent can get anyone into heaven – whether the Xtian or Islamic heaven! Ok, I’ll just shut up now!

RIP, Kefee. I really loved her voice. *sad* Hey wait, did the baby survive? No? *sighs* Oh well… it’s a Friday, y’all have fun and take it easy getting turnt up tonight!

I’mma jus’ chill to this jam tonight and try to rise above the gloom. Love y’all!

THURSDAY

Yep! It's Thursday, and church was awesome last night! And this morning I woke feeling like even though things might not be how I want them to be yet, it WILL only get BETTER! Yes, I'm activating my faith! Highly necessary!

So this song has been on repeat since 6 a.m. that I got up, and I thought I'd share (love is sharing, y'all)

William McDowell - You Are God Alone.mp3

Found at bee mp3 search engine

Y'all have an awesome day ahead! XO

WHO I AM

A popular saying goes “a problem shared is half solved.” Yes!

But a heart bottled in the pain of humiliation can never know

peace. The issue of rape is that which is discussed and shared

amongst us, but yet without the simplest solution.

This is very perturbing, and thus has sounded the alarm within

us to keep on speaking till we can reduce or inhibit this violence

and ungodly act.

Let us not fold our arms and watch our ‘PRIDE’ being trampled

upon and tormented without giving it a fight.

Rape is fiercer than a civil war, yet if we must win this battle,

we must fight with our heart and not watch on.

#Bloggersville presents

“The pain of a withered rose, a

trumpet for war.”

#SayNoToRape Day VII

I live amongst you, we wine and dine together. As supposed human beings we have thoughts limited to us, but what are your thoughts about me as of mine to you?

In the sanity of my quietness I create the insanity of my actions. I watch them provocatively dressed, the well dressed are not left out of it as I imagine the sight of the unseen. I crave for squeezing those boobs and making their ass clap with the spank from my thrust. As long as you are a woman, you are a prey.
The devil, the evil in me is what they do not see. The coward, the bastard that I am is what they have no knowledge of.

So I pounce on them, one by one like a serial killer. I devour them, time after time like a timekeeper making sure nothing passes him by. I watch them helpless, I love when they scream, it propels me when they beg. I crave for violence of that of body, mind and soul. I am feminine destruction.

I know, I am aware and I don’t need to be told; I am a curse, a demon that has a ready plan of blaming the devil if caught. I am a beast, a predator hunting for preys. I am what the sound of the words “No, please don’t do it” feels more like “carry on, am loving it”. I am heartless,…. I am Rape. Say No To Me!

Fowe Adetoye 

@hotsaucestillz

SHARDS OF BROKEN GLASS

The word rape is gotten from the latin word “rapere” which means To Seize. It is defined by many professors of the English Language as : The forcing of someone into sex. This definition has been modified over the years and many have argued that it is more than an attempt to achieve sexual fulfilment (although this may be the case in a lot of instances) but an aggressive desire to dominate a victim. It is largely considered as an act of violence rather than a sexual encounter.

HISTORY OF RAPE

In early societies, men obtained wives through the practice of bride capture(This is still in practice in some societies today). In this custom, a man would kidnap a woman and force her to have sex, and then he would marry her. A similar scenario is shown in the book of Genesis where Shechem  raped Dinar the daughter of Jacob and sought to marry her( Gen 34). In these societies, what we would now call rape was socially acceptable, especially in times of war and was sometimes celebrated as heroic. For example, Romulus, the legendary founder of Rome, is credited with populating that city by capturing the women from a neighboring group of people known as the Sabines.

Some ancient societies considered rape a punishable offense. But, many of these societies punished the woman raped, as well as the rapist. For instance, under the ancient Babylonian Code of Hammurabi, a married woman who was raped was said to have committed adultery. The Hammurabi prescribed that the woman and her rapist be bound and thrown in a river. The option was left to her husband to either rescue her or allow her to drown. Similarly, ancient Hebrew law required that a married woman be stoned to death if she was raped.

Many ancient societies and even present day societies considered women as a form of property and rape was defined as an offense against the property owner—the woman’s father or husband—not against the woman herself. For example, the book of Deuteronomy, which delineates ancient Hebrew law, provides that if an unmarried virgin is raped the offender must pay the woman’s father 50 shekels and then marry her.

TYPES OF RAPE (The Legal Angle)

As attitudes about sexuality and gender equality continue to change, legal reformers struggle to redefine what behaviors constitute rape.

However, as a result of changing societal perceptions, laws now prohibit several different types of rape (But this article is not about various law classifications of rape so I would not dwell so much on its details)

A .Forcible Rape

Sexual intercourse carried out against a person’s will by the use or threat of physical force is sometimes referred to as forcible rape. Historically, a person could only be charged with rape if force was used to subdue the victim.

B. Acquaintance Rape/Date Rape

When a person rapes a person he or she knows, it is called either acquaintance rape or date rape. The two people may be friends, former lovers, or presently dating. Studies indicate that a woman is more likely to be raped by an acquaintance than by a stranger or a relative.An acquaintance may commit forcible rape. However, the term acquaintance rape is usually applied when the sexual intercourse is non-consensual but does not involve the physical coercion typically associated with forcible rape, such as assault or threats of violence.

C. Marital Rape

Rape of a person’s spouse is called marital rape or spousal rape. The English common law and traditional U.S. and Canadian law did not recognize rape within a marriage as a crime, Also many African societies do not consider this as rape. As recently as the 1960s the American Law Institute recommended retaining the historical legal doctrine that a man cannot rape his wife. The organization based this recommendation on the theory that it was inappropriate for the law to invade marital privacy. However, as a result of changing attitudes about domestic violence, many states in the US abandoned this doctrine and began to allow prosecutions for marital rape, especially if it is committed by force. In Canada, spouses may be convicted of criminal sexual assault.

D. Statutory Rape

Sexual intercourse with a person who has not reached the age of consent is known as statutory rape. The age of consent for sexual intercourse varies from country to country, but is usually 18 in most countries. This covers sexual intercourse with someone who is drugged or asleep, or who is mentally retarded or under the influence of alcohol.

E. Rape of Men

Traditional rape laws were gender specific, providing that only women could be victims of rape and only men could be rapists. In recent years, countries have rewritten their rape laws to be gender neutral. It is thus possible, although unlikely, for a woman to be charged with raping a man. In Canada, statutes prohibiting sexual assault apply to both male and female perpetrators and victims. But, sadly this is not the case in Nigeria and many African countries

Homosexual rape, when it is not covered by a country’s general rape statute, may be covered by statutes that prohibit anal or oral sex between members of the same sex, a type of sodomy. Although some statutes do not distinguish between forcible and consensual acts, forcible sodomy is generally subject to more severe punishments. Homosexual rape is a notorious problem in prisons. However, in society as a whole, rape of men—whether by women or other men—is not a highly visible issue.

The Philosophical Approach

Rape raises a whole range of philosophical questions from the epistemological to the ethical, the ontological to the metaphysical. A philosophical examination of rape requires an exploration of memory, truth and meaning, of subjective interpretation and objective fact; of free will, choice, consent and volition versus determinism and natural selection; of identity, the self and the other; and of good and evil, morality and society

For us to truly understand what rape really is we have to look at it from a perspective beyond that of the rapist and the raped, which our legal system has effectively done justice to .

All or most definitions agree that for rape to occur there must be the absence of consent. But, this in itself creates further problems. For consent can be coerced directly or indirectly by threat, force, blackmail or even seduction (Now that is a debate for another day). If you say that rape occurs only when a lady “says no” and you still have sex with her, what if you point a gun on her baby and she “says yes”, she may even gladly undress herself and sex you till you say stop.  Will you say it is not rape? Or if you argue that there must be forced penetration, what exactly do you mean by forced? Is it the violence involved? Or the compelling factor? Rape may occur with no violence at all and with 100% consent/approval. So what exactly is rape.

Rape is the violation of human will. When the will of one is coerced to favor the will of another,that is rape. When a person is made to do what he/she doesn’t want to do, that person has been raped. When a woman is made to perform sexual activity against her will, that woman has been raped. And whoever does this is a rapist. So to a mild extent, the seducer is a rapists, chris take note (This is an argument for another day).

The real crime here is not that her body was defiled, nope for sex doesn’t and never defile the body; but her mind was defiled and once the mind is defiled the whole being suffers. The negative energy that is released from her spirit during the fusion of intercourse or assault and amplified in her soul via her mind will at the long run affect both the rapist and the raped. This turns the creative energy of sex into a destructive one(see laws of sex). This in turn results in Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Substance Abuse, Self-Harm/ Self-Injury ,Stockholm Syndrome, Depression, Flashbacks, Borderline Personality Disorder, Sleep Disorders, Eating Disorders, Body Memories, Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), Military Sexual Trauma, suicide and many more.

To The Raped

The first thing you need to do to heal is to forgive yourself for being raped. This is one of the most important areas mostly overlooked for there is always the tendency for you to blame yourself for the incident. Why did you trust him? Didn’t you know the spot was dangerous? Why did you wear such provocative dress? All these are quite normal. There always a time to blame yourself, infact I suggest you do. But then after all the blame game, forgive yourself. For nothing can undo what happened, so the best you can do is forgive yourself and learn from it. What better way to start than by showing love to yourself, make your hair, go shopping, see a movie, play video games . Love and appreciate the person you see in the mirror. Even if it was all your fault and you regret the mistake, understand that it’s okay to make mistakes.

The next thing you have to do is forgive the rapist. This is the hardest part of the healing process but it is the fastest way to heal. Forgiveness isn’t always to benefit the person who did you wrong. Your hatred and bitterness means nothing to the person you don’t forgive….it’s like taking poison, and waiting for the other person to die. Forgiveness frees you emotionally and enables you to move on. So don’t just forgive and forget, forgive and move on with your life.

Finally, you need help. You need both medical and psychological help. Get medical care right away.  The doctor or nurse will test you for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), including HIV/AIDS, and offer you emergency contraception to prevent pregnancy (if victim is female). If the doctor or nurse does not mention testing for STDs or emergency contraception, ask for them. Seeing a counsellor or a close friend or spiritual adviser will help you effectively overcome the trauma that you may face.

To The Rapist

You need help. Nobody was born a rapist There was no woman in history that gave birth and called all her friends and said “Guess what? I gave birth to a rapist”. They became one. Rapists are victims of society. Many of them suffer psychosomatic and manic disorders. They are victims of child abuse, societal neglect, poor parenting, rape, and every ill the society has birthed in them.

You need to stop! Just stop where you are! Hold the breaks! Halt ! Even if you are reading this, stop reading at this point…..no you can start reading…. go and seek help. There is no formula to transform a rapist into normal person, but there is always a hand willing to help someone that seeks it. Change comes to those who genuinely and sincerely want it. So seek medical help, seek mental help, seek spiritual help. It may be that your uncultured behavior is the result of childhood trauma, who knows, you may even have been a victim of rape yourself. For only hurting people hurt others. #sayNoToRape

To The Reader

Rape is a crime against humanity. It is a brutish way of engaging pleasure, It is a selfish engagement of men/women turned beasts, An unsavory cup of vinegar that bitters in tongue, tonsil and tummy. So join this campaign ! share it, tweet it! Text it! 1+ it! Pin it! But most important say it! Say no to rape!

By Prince Xavier

www.st-princex.com

@Prince_Xxavier

www.facebook.com/philosophicalreflections

www.google.com/+PrinceXavier

www.google.com/+StprincexphilosophicalReflection

SAY NO TO RAPE

Why didn’t you tell anybody?

Why didn’t you run?

If it was me, I would have slapped him.

All these words kept hitting me from all angles, I wanted to scream.

I was the one that was affected, yet no one cared to know if I was fine.

I could silently hear them hinting that I should just have kept it all to myself.

I could hear myself on the inside saying over and over

‘I am the victim here’

But as usual I sucked it all in.

If you are reading this, don’t judge me.

I kept it all because I was raised to respect the elders

I was raised to recognize that the elders are never wrong

I was raised to never correct their wrong

I was raised to accept their wrong as right

I was raised to be seen and not heard

I was raised to never have an opinion.

Is it a culture attributed to only Africa or Nigerians?

I cannot tell.

So I am forced to keep mum and I did for 10 years.

I was taught that sex was a sin

I was taught never to look at a man.

I was taught to submit like a woman so that I would find a good man

But alas my sex organ were awoken

A little touch on my butt

A little squeeze on my breast.

And then it became agressive…

All the while I was in shock…

He is a father figure.

His love for me is just like that of my dad’s

Or maybe it was a mistake, and he didn’t mean it.

But is it not without my consent?

No it is wrong, but who do I tell?

I have reached the age of puberty, so maybe my mind is playing tricks

Or maybe my hungry desire to have a boyfriend is causing me to think thus

And so the mind game went.

My sister lay beside me one day and I whispered… “he touches me in a funny way”.

“He plays with my thing in a funny way. I bled today”

A hot slap and a warning to never repeat such

So I became mute.

I learnt the opposite sex, my peers, my seniors, my fathers: all love me.

Some want more but I cannot commit.

Confidants, best friends, bread givers

But I cannot commit.

I lost the power to love when he toyed with my genitals

Still I had principles…sounds impossible but it is true.

Despite the foreplay, my virginity remained sealed

That’s the rule at home.

I cannot be the exception.

So even though I am chaste, I am not.

God hates such and so in fear I trembled any time the males came close

A kiss and straight to the priest I go

I must confess lest I rot in hell.

They knew my life story…he did too

And so he waited till the time was right.

He took me and I refused

He took me and I screamed

He took me and I was naked

He too me and it was not with my consent.

He took me and I was voilated

He took me and I am no more a child

The act is done.

I don’t need to add by force

But this time I speak up.

The human spirit was made to thrive

So I speak up

only this time I am lashing

I am angry

All I was taught was faulty

I drove prospects and invited suspects

I speak up and I find only hate

I speak up and still I cannot commit

The wound is deep

The scars have refused to heal.

I am not more a child, even at 25.

In my community he goes unpunished

But there is too much anger in me

But who do I blame?

My family, my community, or my religion?

All summoned me to keep shut.

I am a bitter leaf, but who do I blame?

I shared it with a friend, who tells a friend of a friend

And like wildfire everyone knows.

And once again I am at fault.

So I sit here quietly

Quietly wondering what my offense is.

Their voices begin to drown out my thoughts

But not before I asked myself.

“Do you want my younger ones to go through this?”

Hell no!

The silence is over

I will say no to RAPE!

Tope Olofin

@toperants

RAPE: WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW

A popular saying goes “a problem shared is half solved.” Yes!

But a heart bottled in the pain of humiliation can never know

peace. The issue of rape is that which is discussed and shared

amongst us, but yet without the simplest solution.

This is very perturbing, and thus has sounded the alarm within

us to keep on speaking till we can reduce or inhibit this violence

and ungodly act.

Let us not fold our arms and watch our ‘PRIDE’ being trampled

upon and tormented without giving it a fight.

Rape is fiercer than a civil war, yet if we must win this battle,

we must fight with our heart and not watch on.

#Bloggersville presents

“The pain of a withered rose, a

trumpet for war.”

#SayNoToRape Day VI

In a national violence against women survey which was conducted in 1977 in the United States of America, it was found that 1 out of 6 women and 1 out of 33 men had experienced rape (either attempted or the full) as a child and/or as an adult. Rape in this context is defined as forced intercourse (vaginal, oral or anal).

Most people believe strangers, perverts or “bad people” are the sole perpetrators of rape/sexual assault when indeed the act is reported to be committed most by friends, relatives, acquaintances, the nice neighbor who comes to watch soccer games on weekends, the maid who helps with chores and “other things”, the teacher who gives more lessons than the classroom legally allows. There have been reported cases of fathers detaining daughters and turning them into sex slaves.

What is most disturbing and alarming is that studies estimate that 50%–90% of rapes go unreported. In most cases, these rapes go unreported because of shame, humiliation, guilt, cultural taboos, stigmatization and the very real fear of secondary victimization by law enforcement officials as well as medical and legal authorities.

Wife rape runs into stone walls in legal opinion even though there are now laws against forcible and violent non-consensual sex with one’s wife. Clinical psychologists use the term “sexual abuse survivors syndrome” to describe the posttraumatic stress-like symptoms that follow the aftermath of childhood sexual abuses.

There are a few listed factors that affect the existence of rape. Baron and Straus (1989) theorize different causes, namely;

1.       Gender Inequality: Relates economic, political and legal status of women in comparism to men.

2.       Pornography: Reduces women to sex objects\, promotes male dominance and encourages or condones sexual violence against women. Pornography is reported to have high influence on rape as sex offenders confess to watch a lot of porn.

3.       Social Disorganization: This erodes social control and constraints freedom of individual behavior and self-determination.

4.       Legitimization of Violence: Is the support culture gives to violence as portrayed in the media (movies, video games, music videos etc), laws permitting corporal punishment in schools, violent sports and excessive military exploits amongst many others.

There are personal and psychological factors common to perpetrators of sexual abuse/rape which affects both their decision to assault someone and the manner in which the assault is carried out, namely;

1.       Offender acts in hostile, aggressive, angry, condescending and domineering manner and believes he is strong, courageous and manly though he often feels weak, anxious, inadequate, threatened and dependent. This implies that his decision to rape someone can be as a result of overcompensating for areas where he is weak.

2.       Lacks interpersonal skills to make his point in society.

3.       Needs to exercise power – uses the assault situation to prove to himself and his victim that he’s in total control and he’s superior.

4.       May show sadistic patterns – often mutilates or murders victims to attain a feeling of total triumph over the victim.

Rape/sexual assault goes beyond trying to fulfill a sexual need or desire, some researchers interviewed rapists and gathered that;

1.       Criminals who commit rape in the perpetration of a crime –for example, robbery – often see rape as an added bonus. It is there for the taking, so why not?

2.       For some men, rape is attaining the unattainable woman, a woman who is clearly out of his league and will never have gotten a chance with her other than through rape.

I have also outlined also most importantly the victim’s response to rape, they are;

1.       The victim may respond by showing no emotions – appearing unaffected.

2.       May feel humiliated, demeaned and degraded.

3.       May experience impaired sexual functioning.

4.       May suffer immediate physical and psychological injury as well as long-term trauma.

5.       May blame herself or feel guilty (as society will make her believe her indecent dressing called the attention of the rapist or she feels guilt for not being cautious enough).

6.       Might find it difficult relating to and trusting others – especially men.

Rape has high potential for PTSD (Post-traumatic Stress Disorder), depression, panic attacks, GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder), social adjustment disorders, sexual dysfunction, eating disorders, dissociation, suicide and more negative world views and cognitive distortions such as blaming oneself, external factors and preservating on why the rape happened.

A rape victim however requires family support and acceptance in the early and latter stages of dealing with the event, also needs people to reach out to her (or him as the case may be), offering the victim attention to pour out all their pain (mostly verbally).

Olateru-Olagbegi Bode