‘LOVEDOM’

“I love you (girl smiles)… and I have a condom (girl gets up and walks away)”. 

Guys, seriously when will u ever learn that except the girl is in it just for the shags, you don’t mention love and condom in the same sentence?! Do I have to teach you everything! *rme* Seriously, I love you and I have a condom are NOT relatives? They are not even neighbours (especially when y’all aren’t married yet)! I mean if a guy made those two declarations to me in one breath, I’d conveniently believe he was in love with the junk in my trunk (not like I got trunk sha, I’m not an elephant… hehehe! Just kidding)

So I’mma list some scenarios where you can announce to your girl that you have a condom and it doesn’t sound insulting like in that dude’s case:

1.      Definitely NOT after you say I love you

2.      When you love yourself enough to NOT want to contract crabs (or prawns), UTIs, chlamydia and ish [you do know you can get all those from your regular gf, and not just a prostitute, right?]

3.      When y’all are sensible enough to realise that unwanted pregnancies are very much unwanted considering where the economy is going these days (if you’re in Nigeria, I’m sure you heard about the new N5000 note planned for next year; MEANING plenty will lose jobs, ritualists will be back in business etc. How does an unwanted pregnancy fit in, tell me?)

4.      She’s a prostitute.

That’s it! 4 points are enough for the wise. Now, I have other things to do (like sit in my chair and gaze at nothing in particular). Love y’all. Mwah!