Wrong Messages Friday

"How's it going darling?)
I’m not gonna waste your time and I will switch over to the main issue – I’m looking for a real man who is able to satisfy me entirely, you know what I mean, right?;) I’m tired of sissies and men who can’t even take care of themselves. I want to be loved and feel protected
Shortly about me – young, wild and free. You may switch the word ‘young’ on ‘beautiful’ if you’d like). I am a girl with no hang-ups and BDSM is my only bad habit
Anyway if u like girls like me then I chose the right person.
Please reply and I’ll tell you more about myself. Also we can share some (even erotic) pictures.) I’m pretty sure that it will turn out to be an interesting experience talking to each other.
Don’t make a lady wait for too long!) so excited about your answer!
See you soon!"

Hi y'all... another Friday (they seem to be coming faster these days!)
So I decided to tag today 'Wrong Messages Friday'... Why? Well, the above message should answer your question... After settling in at work I figured I should check if I'd gotten any new mail; and apparently, I HAD indeed gotten the above message from a particular unknown Emilia Greenwalt. Here's my reply to Emilia:

Dear Emilia darling.
First, you wasted my precious two minutes if you must know (you should apologise!). Moving on... I am not a real man, Miss Greenwalt; matter of fact, I am not a man in any way - so forget about me satisfying you. If you really wanna be loved and feel protected, sending random mails to strangers will most definitely not help you accomplish that desire.
So, now that I've established that I'm a female like you, I'm sure you wouldn't wanna share erotic pictures with me - except, of course, your other bad habit is being a lesbian. 
Hope this reply excites you as much as you anticipated, but on the other hand, I don't care if it doesn't!


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*sighs* That was wrong message numero uno! Sometime in the afternoon, I got wrong message numero dos!

"Today is the Last Day in June! Recharge all you can today to get up to N100,000 free credit to call all networks in 9ja"


That one came from our (humming) 0809ja-for-life network. And my reply is short:

Dear 0809ja-for-life,


30 days hath September, April, JUNE and November... 
All the rest hath 31, except for February alone.


Didn't your Class Teacher make you recite that in Elementary School?! Mine did... that's why I know today is not the last day in June!!!


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And then some douchebag's been sending threats to my phone all day! Tsewwww...

Enjoy your Friday jare, all of you! (and don't forget... no getting stupidly drunk!)