Fine Bara/Fine Toasting

Sometime in 2009

I was at a Skye Bank ATM in Ijebu-Igbo, as usual the queue was as long as... as... it was long sha. In all of Ijebu-Igbo, only that one cash-vomiting machine was functioning (that explains the queue, right?). Anyways, there was this guy standing in front of me... a lot of the shorties were staring at him (and probably drooling in their minds)... yeah, he was a looker but unfortunately I didn't fancy the light-complexioned ones much, especially when they are a little shorter than I am!

So the fair-complexioned guy, let's call him Oye (don't ask me why I chose that name!) got his turn just before I did, he fumbled for a while there, then got off and I got on the machine (hmmm... got on the machine... sounds erotic!). I took my cash from it, and got on my way home. As I was about to stop a bike, Oye walks up to me and says he wanted to talk about something really important... curiosity got the best of me, so I waved the bike away. He started by asking if I noticed that he was the one in front of me on the queue... yeah yeah, what next? Well, the thing is he didn't get cash off the machine, he found out his account had not been debited like he expected... yada yada yada! So what could I do for Oye? Dash him N500, so he can go back home and find something to eat! Ehn! N500! Long story short, I gave him o... Still, Oye would not leave me alone... ehen, what is it again? You want me to come and cook for you? Nah, he wanted to have my number and -wait for it...- follow me back to my hostel! How na?! Some boys can be really audacious! It was then I realized I had just been a victim of 'Fine Bara'... abi in this case, I think it, more appropriately, should be called 'Fine Toasting'... I got on a bike like I should have in the first place, and that was the last I saw of Oye, 'the fine bararian' (but rather awful toaster, tho).

FEW DAYS AGO

A lot was going through my head as I was walking down the Shokas road, my brain was holding pen and pad, writing stuff down... "My friend... my friend" I didn't wanna answer cos I knew if I was really the caller's friend, he'd know my name. I only turned back when I could almost feel his breath on my neck! Ehen, whatapun?! He was like 'you don't know me, but now you do, I'm the new friend you just made'... ah ahn! Seriously guys, you people should try to improve when it comes to pick-up lines.. go for training or something! I was laughing real hard, dude must have taken that as encouragement cos he started to narrate that old story I heard years ago... let's call this guy, Oye II. So, Oye II walked me all the way to my friend's crib telling me how he came all the way from Babcock to collect his stuff from a friend here, how he didn't meet the friend at home, how people told him the friend had been missing for 3 days, how he needed to go back to Babcock -yawns- ok na, go back... abi how I take enter the picture now?! Oh! but he was painting that picture for me! The help he wanted from me was to give him enough cash that'll take him to Ijebu-Ode cos he's certain that from there he can hitchhike to Babcock... E yaaa, I must have 'generous' written on my forehead! This dude was reeking of Perfume, holding a BB and a correct Nokia... still he's begging for money! Anyways, I couldn't let that lame trick work on me again, I told him I didn't have enough cash on me either, so I can't help out... Like Oye, Oye II too wouldn't let me be still. He kept following me... Then my voice got more sterner, dude I can't help out so why are you still tagging along... that was when he stopped, when I looked back Oye II had tears in his tiny goo-goo eyes! You see, 3 years ago that woulda got me... but nah, not anymore. Not after I learned guys too shed crocodile tears to have their way! With the fake tears in his eyes, he asked for my number... I shook my head and left him there standing! Cheesy bastard!