Blog~Lovin'

Happy Friday, sweet sweet people! Another cold Friday, or is it just cold in my office? *shrugs* How'd your September go? As you expected? No? Well, don't feel bad... there's 2 more days before it's over, jump on it!

For my Nigerian readers, it's gonna be an extended one this weekend (Happy Independence Day on Monday, btw!)... so what do u plan to do with all that free time? Movies? Just resting? Well... for those of you that love to read, I have 2 blog posts you should read when you're free BECAUSE... well, because the first one, dude is looking for a wife... I'm sure the ladies will be interested; the second, my sweet friend was talking about more smart phones, less smart people (which I think is true). So,

1. GOTTA MARRY! HOW MUCH IS IT AGAIN? by @Blog_Aces
2. Generation Y; more 'Smartphones' less 'smart people' by @toperants

Oh! and if you know someone getting married, let's share it with @thejidetaiwo so he can put it on The Daily Wedding Blog.

Ok, that's it... in case you get bored eventually, holla at your girl! So, here's wishing you Faith, Trust and Pixie Dust! xo

SECOND HELPING

Dear girls,

I hear going back to your abusive boyfriends (especially those that got close to almost taking your life the first time around) is what is trending… interesting! Riri kissing Chris, claiming they were young and bla bla; K-Solo’s wife returning to him, claiming it was all publicity stunt… very interesting indeed! I mean, who’s next? Whitney resurrecting and going back to Bobby to get a second helping on some of that smackdown?! Seriously, all these girls never heard of that never go back to your vomit adage. I think the case here is they love the vomit! Ewww… I just had a very nasty filthy mental image. When has vomit been good for anyone?!

(That's Riri by the way, in case you have a hell of a time recognizing her)

I don’t know this woman BUT a man does you like this, and you claim y’all were kids and unknowing and ish.. then I know your ass dumb!


Let’s talk, girl to girl… honey, I would soooo get a second helping on that butter-icing cake (hmmm… yum!), that ice-cream I love so much with all the toppings and all… I’d definitely get a second helping on that fantastic, breath-taking roll in the hay (not like I ever rolled in the hay with the strong scent of sex and straw in the air… I would love that tho)… but babes, one thing I’d never do is get a second helping on that black and blue! Na ahn! Black and blue is not a great colour combination, especially not for your face; and neither is broken ribs, nor broken whatever-else good for you! If you love yourself, you’ll move on with your life.

*** I’ll take this time to talk to the abusive husbands/boyfriends too. Inviting her back into your life after you almost killed her the first time is inviting trouble. Let’s look at the worst case scenarios:

-          You might succeed this time and actually kill her

-          OR you might turn her into a monster, she turns around and kills/nearly kills you. Oh you think she doesn’t have the physical strength to do that? Food can be poisoned, you know. So can the vajaija! Hahahaha *evil laughter* After all, what’s good for the goose, is good for the gander. Choke, you wife-beater, choke!

Now that we’ve gotten this outta the way, I’m going for my second helping of the movie Luv Ka The End! Kisses…  

‘LOVEDOM’

“I love you (girl smiles)… and I have a condom (girl gets up and walks away)”. 

Guys, seriously when will u ever learn that except the girl is in it just for the shags, you don’t mention love and condom in the same sentence?! Do I have to teach you everything! *rme* Seriously, I love you and I have a condom are NOT relatives? They are not even neighbours (especially when y’all aren’t married yet)! I mean if a guy made those two declarations to me in one breath, I’d conveniently believe he was in love with the junk in my trunk (not like I got trunk sha, I’m not an elephant… hehehe! Just kidding)

So I’mma list some scenarios where you can announce to your girl that you have a condom and it doesn’t sound insulting like in that dude’s case:

1.      Definitely NOT after you say I love you

2.      When you love yourself enough to NOT want to contract crabs (or prawns), UTIs, chlamydia and ish [you do know you can get all those from your regular gf, and not just a prostitute, right?]

3.      When y’all are sensible enough to realise that unwanted pregnancies are very much unwanted considering where the economy is going these days (if you’re in Nigeria, I’m sure you heard about the new N5000 note planned for next year; MEANING plenty will lose jobs, ritualists will be back in business etc. How does an unwanted pregnancy fit in, tell me?)

4.      She’s a prostitute.

That’s it! 4 points are enough for the wise. Now, I have other things to do (like sit in my chair and gaze at nothing in particular). Love y’all. Mwah!