Living Under The Shadow Of The Almighty PAST

They say Karma is a bitch… well, the past can be a badder bitch! Badder than Nicki Minaj, the past.

The question is, how hard is it to move on? A number of people vote that moving on depends how y’all broke up in the first place, others say it depends on how emotionally frail the individual involved is/his (or in most cases, her) emotional strength. Some also say it depends on if you were in love, “in lust” or obsessed with the former partner. A particular person says most people hold back from getting into a relationship again cos of a certain mentality that I would say is a lil bit business-natured. How? Simple! He says why re-invest in a business you invested in once/twice/(count the number of times you’ve been in a serious relationship) only for that business to fail! All that time you invested, the hope, your dreams – everything shattered, destroyed to the point where you can’t pick up pieces. Hence, moving becomes real difficult.

So personally, for you, how hard was it or is it? Pretty hard? Not that hard? You moved on almost immediately? Oh wow! For my specimen (please don’t tell her I called her ‘specimen’), it’s been pretty hard! Dude professes love, swears with everything he holds dear never to leave her side no matter what, even meets with her parents only to dump her when she told him she was pregnant… he just ran away; dropped out of her life just like that! Her kid is 11 years old now and she’s found it difficult to move on! Honestly, she does not even want to move on! It’s so bad that there is nothing a man would tell her that she’d believe, absolutely nothing! Cos the former guy told her everything and meant nothing! Talk about empty promises! And please don’t start with maybe dude is dead or maybe the child isn’t his – the kid is his spitting image AND his parents still hear from him, so rule out those possibilities!

Now, you’d agree with me that 3 years is more than enough to cry and pick up your life, yeah? Maybe 5? But 12?! Outrageous, from my point of view… but hey, different shades of emotional frailty/strength, right? So my dear specimen is all by herself for 12 years living under the shadow of the almighty past! Raising her kid by herself, well with tiny help here and there from the kid’s maternal grandmother.

More frightening is the situation of the girl that previously has been in a physically abusive relationship, the next guy looks capable of beating her to a pulp like that last guy – and when I say the next guy, I mean every other guy that comes her way! Peace of mind in solitude looks more appealing than the warmth of a blow on her cheek. And do I blame her not!

So, the next question is how do you come out from under the shadow of the past and into the light of the future? Simple! Err…. I have no idea, sorry! The thing is there can never be a standard healing process/procedure; BUT I can suggest a few things tho:

1. Since you’ve spent so much time with yourself already, it’s time to admit you need some sunshine, some loving! Heck, you must smell all ewww for staying in the dark for so long like clothes stored in a dark wardrobe with plenty mothballs (I love the smell of mothballs tho! Lol). But seriously, even tho Celine Dion’s “All By Myself” is a great song, that place isn’t a very good place to be!

2. If you’ve been living that way for like 12 years like my specimen? See a shrink! That cannot, in any way, be normal or healthy – for you and your kid (if you have one) cos sooner or later you’d be transferring your ideas/mentality to the poor kid.

3. If you’re not sure you know how to live and share your life with someone else anymore, let friends help you out.

4. If all the above don’t work, maybe you need to invite some supernatural force – see God.

5. And yeah, you can see me too *wink wink*

Now, in the words of the great Leona Lewis, hum to the terrible ex one last time (he/she doesn’t have to be there tho, it’s mostly for your own good) “No matter how hard it is, I’ll be fine without you, yes I will!”

Rebelkween signing out… go and live in that dark, murky past no more! XO

Pills Or Your Womb..?

“Aunty Faith…” I pretend like I don’t hear her. “Aunty Faith, I know you’re angry… but something terrible happened” She continued with that pleading tone in her voice. I looked up at her, “You’re not dead, are ya?! You coulda called to say you weren’t gonna come” She went sober after I said that.

Tolani was supposed to do something for me the morning before, but she didn’t turn up – leaving me to do all the work, which was quite exhausting by the way! Of course I was pretending to be much more angrier than I was, I couldn’t stay angry for a long time at the sweet little thing. So, with the angry look gone, I raised my head, “Oya, I’m listening o. What happened?” *she sighs* “Well, let’s just say I’m hoping to God something isn’t wrong with my womb” Now, that caught my attention! Before we go any further, I’d like to add that Tolani is 18.

In my head, 18 and womb-going-wrong sounded so… wrong! “How do you mean?”, I asked. And the story began… “You know I was away for a while, so when I came back I decided to go pay the boyfriend a visit. He was complaining about how I’d been starving him and everything… at the end of the day he forced me, had his way.” Then she paused for effect. I didn’t breathe a word, silently beckoning her to continue with her story… “When he finished, he brought a glass of water and put a spoon of salt in it, in my presence… but since then I’ve been bleeding!” Oh Lordy! I asked, “How long ago was this?” “2 days ago” “What! You’ve been bleeding for 2 days!”

To cut the long story short, I convinced her that what the dude gave her wasn’t just salt water solution, he must have put something in the water before he brought it to her. I asked her to go back to him and threaten to have arrested until he confesses what else was in the water.

…. today!

“Aunty Faith, I’ve asked him o. He was apologising and everything. He said before he brought the water he had put grounded potash, postinor 1 and ampiclox…” “What?! All that?! What if you had died, would he apologise to your corpse? Or your mother? Truth is, he woulda carried and dumped your body in one bush like that! That is the gospel truth!”

Yes, she still bled for a couple days more, and yes! she’s still in fear that something might be already wrong with her womb. What is wrong with us girls?! Exactly what?! A guy shags you without protection, and then he gives you something to swallow, in the name of preventing an unwanted pregnancy; AND you use it!!! Why didn’t he protect himself in the first place? That’s one safe preventive measure; abi what rule says it’s the girls that must swallow pills, or if the worse has happened, do an abortion or deal with early motherhood?! What if the drug(s) killed you? When are we going to get wiser, huh? After many wombs have been destroyed, or some have bled to death?! Or is it after lives and careers have been destroyed?! Tuma pāgala hō ga'ē hō?

I’m not gonna advise any girl out there… you know what’s good for you and your womb. Good luck not ruining your future! Namaste!

No SEX After...

*sighs* Here we are again... boy/girl matter don tire me, honestly! (Did I hear someone say "then quit writing about them?") Awww, how am I gonna quit on y'all? That would be so cruel of the Rebel Fairy Godmother, wouldn't it?

So what's today's rant about? The other day some girl walked into my office for business reasons - let's name her Joan; you know how they say it's a small tiny world? Yeah, she met this dude at my office (he's a friend of the house), let's call him Tolu. So Tolu was like "Hey, Joan! What are you doing here?!" The moment she sighted Tolu, Joan activated mode awkwardness! Your guess is as good as mine - there's a story! And trust me, I dug for that story (after Joan had left tho!)

Summary: Joan used to date Tolu's friend; Joan and Tolu's friend broke up; Joan was crying on one of the numerous roads in Lagos; Tolu saw her; Joan went home with him; Joan needed a channel to let out her sorrow; Joan started to simultaneously strip herself and kiss all over him; Tolu stopped her (although I'm sure he let her kiss him a lil bit) - ehen, where was I? Yeah, Tolu stopped her, talked her outta the about-to-happen-sex-as-escape mechanism-ish. Then I guess she dressed up, ashamedly. And left.

Hence, awkward mode activation when they saw again! (And I was the spectator, interesting innit?!). Anyways, when/how did sex ever make a one feel less awful after a break-up? Argue/deny all you want, but the truth is sex NEVER makes what's already destroyed better - be it a break-up, divorce, separation, or even a mere quarrel or argument - it's like taking a cracked wineglass and totally throwing it against a wall sending tiny little smithereens of broken glass flying all over the place... most times, the wineglass being YOU, making yourself more vulnerable, hurting others too; and in some cases you're usually no longer the same! AND I'm not just talking to the girls, the boys too (although most times, y'all turn to drinking and then SEX!)... so, I'm talking to everybody - married or single. Having sex with a total stranger or even a friend after you end things (permanently or temporarily) with your partner is dead ass WRONG!

I mean, imagine this - you and your partner broke up cos of trust/insecurity issues (which is majorly the case); then your dumb ass thinks sex with a stranger is the next step to feeling all better; then maybe u do it, or you attempted but it didn't happen like in Joan and Tolu's case; THEN your partner has been thinking over and over, "I think I want him/her back, I love him/her, gotta get over these trust/insecurity issue cos I really want to be with her/him", then he/she heads back your way begging to be taken back... HOW will you tell your repentant partner that you went and done got fucked by someone else to ease the pain. I know some of you can do it sha, even blame your partner for pushing you to sleep with someone else... oya cover your faces in shame! Yeah, it's shameful! Nobody pushes you to do anything, e don dey your body before!

Look, I know no one is a saint and I ain't anti-sex or anything like that; but to be on the safe side and keep everyone happy AND to avoid a Joan-Tolu scenario (I know I would hate to be in that kinda fix) - I vote NO rebound sex, NO sleeping with strangers, NO sleeping around to ease the pain (cos it only compounds it eventually), NO FWBs (friends with benefits, 'case u didn't know what that meant), NO helping each other... in fact, cool off on the sex after you just ended a relationship, give yourself and body time to chill. You'll thank me later!

And yeah, if anyone wants to be your friend or shoulder to cry on after you've been thru a rough time? Jumping into bed with you is not exactly the ideal way to show you that shoulder he's offering to be cried on, say NO!

ALUU Killings

I just saw this video... Nobody deserves to die like this, in my own opinion. Seriously, if we all start to take the law into our own hands, what would the world be like? #nuffsaid I'm going to sit in one corner.

Action, shaped by intelligence and a moral perspective, is the answer to most problems.

- False Memory, Dean Koontz

Tolu & Adetoun

Season 5 of Project Fame finally came to an end, and even though most people didn't think Ayo deserved to win, I thought it'd be best not to bother myself with who shoulda won or who shouldn't have! INSTEAD, I decided to share my favourite collabo on here. Adetoun and Tolu totally killed it! That was my best performance... it was captivating! I totally fell in love with those 2! Here it is, AREWA by Tolu Adesina & Adetoun... enjoy!

Blog~Lovin'

Happy Friday, sweet sweet people! Another cold Friday, or is it just cold in my office? *shrugs* How'd your September go? As you expected? No? Well, don't feel bad... there's 2 more days before it's over, jump on it!

For my Nigerian readers, it's gonna be an extended one this weekend (Happy Independence Day on Monday, btw!)... so what do u plan to do with all that free time? Movies? Just resting? Well... for those of you that love to read, I have 2 blog posts you should read when you're free BECAUSE... well, because the first one, dude is looking for a wife... I'm sure the ladies will be interested; the second, my sweet friend was talking about more smart phones, less smart people (which I think is true). So,

1. GOTTA MARRY! HOW MUCH IS IT AGAIN? by @Blog_Aces
2. Generation Y; more 'Smartphones' less 'smart people' by @toperants

Oh! and if you know someone getting married, let's share it with @thejidetaiwo so he can put it on The Daily Wedding Blog.

Ok, that's it... in case you get bored eventually, holla at your girl! So, here's wishing you Faith, Trust and Pixie Dust! xo