No SEX After...

*sighs* Here we are again... boy/girl matter don tire me, honestly! (Did I hear someone say "then quit writing about them?") Awww, how am I gonna quit on y'all? That would be so cruel of the Rebel Fairy Godmother, wouldn't it?

So what's today's rant about? The other day some girl walked into my office for business reasons - let's name her Joan; you know how they say it's a small tiny world? Yeah, she met this dude at my office (he's a friend of the house), let's call him Tolu. So Tolu was like "Hey, Joan! What are you doing here?!" The moment she sighted Tolu, Joan activated mode awkwardness! Your guess is as good as mine - there's a story! And trust me, I dug for that story (after Joan had left tho!)

Summary: Joan used to date Tolu's friend; Joan and Tolu's friend broke up; Joan was crying on one of the numerous roads in Lagos; Tolu saw her; Joan went home with him; Joan needed a channel to let out her sorrow; Joan started to simultaneously strip herself and kiss all over him; Tolu stopped her (although I'm sure he let her kiss him a lil bit) - ehen, where was I? Yeah, Tolu stopped her, talked her outta the about-to-happen-sex-as-escape mechanism-ish. Then I guess she dressed up, ashamedly. And left.

Hence, awkward mode activation when they saw again! (And I was the spectator, interesting innit?!). Anyways, when/how did sex ever make a one feel less awful after a break-up? Argue/deny all you want, but the truth is sex NEVER makes what's already destroyed better - be it a break-up, divorce, separation, or even a mere quarrel or argument - it's like taking a cracked wineglass and totally throwing it against a wall sending tiny little smithereens of broken glass flying all over the place... most times, the wineglass being YOU, making yourself more vulnerable, hurting others too; and in some cases you're usually no longer the same! AND I'm not just talking to the girls, the boys too (although most times, y'all turn to drinking and then SEX!)... so, I'm talking to everybody - married or single. Having sex with a total stranger or even a friend after you end things (permanently or temporarily) with your partner is dead ass WRONG!

I mean, imagine this - you and your partner broke up cos of trust/insecurity issues (which is majorly the case); then your dumb ass thinks sex with a stranger is the next step to feeling all better; then maybe u do it, or you attempted but it didn't happen like in Joan and Tolu's case; THEN your partner has been thinking over and over, "I think I want him/her back, I love him/her, gotta get over these trust/insecurity issue cos I really want to be with her/him", then he/she heads back your way begging to be taken back... HOW will you tell your repentant partner that you went and done got fucked by someone else to ease the pain. I know some of you can do it sha, even blame your partner for pushing you to sleep with someone else... oya cover your faces in shame! Yeah, it's shameful! Nobody pushes you to do anything, e don dey your body before!

Look, I know no one is a saint and I ain't anti-sex or anything like that; but to be on the safe side and keep everyone happy AND to avoid a Joan-Tolu scenario (I know I would hate to be in that kinda fix) - I vote NO rebound sex, NO sleeping with strangers, NO sleeping around to ease the pain (cos it only compounds it eventually), NO FWBs (friends with benefits, 'case u didn't know what that meant), NO helping each other... in fact, cool off on the sex after you just ended a relationship, give yourself and body time to chill. You'll thank me later!

And yeah, if anyone wants to be your friend or shoulder to cry on after you've been thru a rough time? Jumping into bed with you is not exactly the ideal way to show you that shoulder he's offering to be cried on, say NO!