Nigeria, whassup?!

For those of you that are not in Nigeria and those that are but hardly listen to the news (not like I do too, anyways), I am very sad to inform y’all that a lot is happening in this country right now that is totally not palatable *bile rising up in my throat*

Let’s start from the very one that concerns me… ASUU Strike! Another strike (out of a thousand already this year… ok, I’m exaggerating a little) commenced on Monday and will last for a week! SMH! I was looking at pictures I took before I got into the Uni, the ones I took after I got in and some of the ones I have now… hello?! Will someone tell the FGN that I’m ageing?! Heck yeah, I am! I know ladies don’t like to admit that they’re growing up and that they weren’t as young as they were yesterday; but abeg make we no deceive ourselves for here… time don go! Six years… (still counting) and if we’re not careful here, a course that shoulda lasted 5 years will take 7 years! Does the FG of Nigeria have an idea what I can achieve in the 2 years of my life that they are helping in wasting? Something tells me they do, but they just don’t care, afterall their children are abroad, the rest of us can go to hell, no? Does it sound like I’m whining? It better sound like I am… cos that’s what I’m doing… whining! The f**k I have the right to! Some of us don’t plan to stop at a B.Sc., so they should quit pausing me on one fucking spot! And I was just wondering and thanking God, on the other hand that all these strikes don’t extend to Secondary Schools… imagine spending 12 years before obtaining your O’ Level Certificate! Oh the horror!

On to the next one… the Abia Rape. I’m sure most of y’all heard about that, yeah? Five guys gang-raping that poor girl! I didn’t really get the story sha… but what I heard is enough! A similar thing happened in Ijebu-Igbo recently… fine, they said the girl was rude to some guy who was ‘blended’; but really, was gang-raping her the befitting punishment? I don’t know what this babe in Abia did o… but gang-raping is just outrightly wrong! So wrong! Now the case is all over the news… fancy being famous for getting gang-raped. So not nice!!! But that isn’t even what hurts the most… this morning, I heard the Abia State Police Commissioner came on teevee to say that the rape was not reported … bla bla… so cos of that the rape didn’t occur! I was shocked when I heard this. I had vowed that I wouldn’t let nothing shock me ever again, but seriously, it’s disheartening and ridiculous how cold some people can be! Is this Commissioner a father? I doubt! Cos if he is, he’d picture his daughter being raped by just one man and the goose pimples he’d get from that mental picture wouldn’t have made him go on national TV and say that gang-rape didn’t happen!!! Also, is this Commissioner a Nigerian? Is he? Cos if he is, he’d know that plenty crimes go unreported to the police, not because people don’t wanna, but cos they’re scared of the fucking Po-po and their wahala!!! So this morning, we learnt a new thing – Unreported Crime is equal to Does-not-exist;Did-not-happen Crime! Nigeria we hail thee!!!

The genital disappearance palaver (!!!) amuses me the most. Even though I can’t help laughing out loud everytime I remember this one, it really isn’t funny cos those poor boys whose dicks have been ‘stolen’ certainly don’t find their present situation funny at all. As at yesterday night, I was informed that 7 male students of the Federal Poly, Bida-Niger State have lost their dicks to indigenes of that town. I remember that something similar happened in Lagos years ago, dicks disappearing from their owners, some juju thingz! Na wa o. Now the school has been closed down cos the other students don vex, houses have been burnt, properties have been destroyed on top missing dicks o! Hahahahahaha… *clears throat* Sorry, didn’t mean to laugh *straight face* Which prayer we wan come pray for those boys now? May God help them recover their missing dicks? Abi, may God touch them so that the ‘gone’ dicks can regenerate? *clueless* What I really wanna know is, when the dick disappeared, did the balls go with it or… I’m sure I don’t wanna picture it in my head!

***I just stole a glance at the TV… headline “FG vows to combat terrorism”. Lives have been taken, families are mourning at their losses, properties have been destroyed, students are living in fear (at least those that their schools are on Boko Haram’s list to be attacked and bombed)… and what the FG is doing is ‘vowing’… vowing! It means they’re still promising to do something, they haven’t started doing anything! SMH. Nigeria, we indeed hail thee!!!