IT’S TIME… THE MOVE-ON

Been a long time I got this blog coming… here it is finally, I hope it comes in handy for those that need it (cos if not, that would totally invalidate my purpose for writing this blog and that would make me really really unhappy!). So let’s get to it already…

Plenty blogs ago, I got a sizeable amount of feedback on the blog ‘My Life Would Suck Without You, Not’… it’s amazing how many people are trapped in relationships they so want to get out of but don’t know how to. So this girl sends me a message and tells me how that blog made her see the light. Now, on this blog, you’re not just gonna be hearing my voice, I’m bringing a lotta voices on to strengthen your resolve to totally get out of that prison you call a relationship. Let’s start with my voice tho… “get the fuck outta that relationship! Dude is just gonna keep abusing you (in whatever way he’s been doing) and shit ain’t gonna stop!” *calming down*

Y’all heard about K. Solo’s story, about his 6-month wedding? The fights, the public humiliation, how he almost killed the girl? No? Yeah? Well, go on ahead and click here for the girl’s side of the story. Y’all ever heard of dudes that say the shittiest things to their wives/gfs? Yeah? Well, I have! I’m gonna tell you why they do it, why you should get out, the things you can say to the dude (in case you’re short of words/reasons – as if the abuse isn’t reason enough! Duh!)


First, let me say that when it looks like a fairy tale from the beginning, like whoa! this is too good to be true, then trust me IT IS too good to be true! It ain’t real! “Fairytales don’t always have a happy ending, do they?” *in Fergie’s voice*

WHY THEY ABUSE

Ok, even I can’t lie to you and say that I know why they do it, but I can try. “He’s scared of the light inside of you, so he keeps you in the dark, turning you to a shadow of yourself” *in Katy Perry’s voice* Some dudes think it’s their God-given obligation to discipline the female species, others are just walking in their fathers’ partner-abuse shoes, majority of them are from really messed up families, and the only way they know to let out the frustration is by… abusing you! And well, the rest are just extreme masochists, which by the way, is just plain evil!

WHY YOU SHOULD GET OUT

“I don’t need no one to black my eyes and tell me lies, no don’t need to cry over nobody else/ I can do bad all by myself” *in Mary J. Blige’s voice* Yes babe, you don’t need anyone to beat you to near-death, break your arm or your face or God knows what else! Why? You can do bad all by yourself, that’s why! Just think of all the bad things you can do to yourself by yourself, like hooking up with the wrong dude (in the first place) who is now doing all these very wrong things to you! Nah, you don’t need some twisted individual to pile a lot more badness on top of all that bad that you can do to yourself.


Oh and when you start to hear stuff like “You own my heart, she’s just renting” in his bestest Chris Brown voice… beep beep! Don’t even think of swallowing that poisonous bit of information hook, line and sinker! Don’t even be hooking on that statement, girl; your ass gonna be sinking faster than you think if you hook on to that line. Cos he lying. Read my lips… L… IES! He’s probably (99% definitely) telling the other girl(s) the same thing!


“Now, she’s stuck inside of a man, wishing they’d never ever met” “I used to be a shell, yeah I let him rule my world” *in Katy Perry’s voice* The moment you start to regret being in that relationship, it’s time to figure out where the exit is, sister! The instant you mentally check yourself in a mental mirror, and you’re like ‘what happened to me! I don’t recognise me anymore!’ (in a bad way), girl it’s time to find the door… where the door at, where the door at! I need the door! F**king scream for your life!



“Do you know that there’s a way out? You don’t have to be held down” *in Katy Perry’s voice* I’ve heard these words a lotta times ‘where will I go, where/how will I start, with whom? I’ve been with him for 8 years, we’ve terminated a lotta pregnancies, nobody knows me the way he does’ You’re not the first and you won’t be the last that’ll leave a relationship that was headed for the rocks already; and it definitely isn’t a taboo to want to start your life all over again… it actually is a necessity. All those things you are using to stop yourself are just excuses, nothing more! Excuses that will put you in trouble if you continue to f’oriti (Yoruba for ‘endure’) to the end.


WHAT TO SAY

Yeah, it’s shocking but the truth is even with the amount of bullshit some girls get, they don’t even know what to say to get out from behind ‘em relationship bars. So I’mma help y’all a little. The following are lines you can deliver to the dude, I mean they do it to us all the time, so… your turn:

“It’s personal, myself and I; we got some straightening out to do” *in Fergie’s voice*
“I forsee the dark ahead if I stay” *in Fergie’s voice* still. I mean let’s face it, you ARE really your own prophet. You don’t need anyone to tell you that your relationship is doomed, the signs are all over the place.
But seriously, sometimes you don’t even need to breathe a word… just WALK (out).

HOW TO MOVE ON

First, “big girls don’t cry!” *in Fergie’s voice*. Ok, I don’t agree. It’s okay to cry, it helps. Cry, weep if you must, wipe your teary eyes and snotty nose and move the fuck on! You know how traffics are really annoying and frustrating? Yeah, you putting your life on a standstill cos of some guy who totally doesn’t deserve all that fuss will not only make you an annoying and irritating person, it’ll also frustrate the people around you. If you must put your life in a bind, go do it on some island where you’ll be the only occupant! Not possible? Well then, move the fuck on like I said!


“But I woke up and I grew strong, and I can still go on and no one can take my pearl. You are strong and you’ll learn that you can still go on.” *in Katy Perry’s voice* You need to wake up from this sleep that could lead to insanity or death, you are actually stronger than you think you are, trust me I know! You are strong! When you’ve accepted the situation and are ready to move on, you must draw strength from within *in my Sensei voice*. Friends might actually make moving on easier, but really the strength to do all of that is in you! So start tapping from within, and when it seems you just can’t go on anymore… you know when you’re getting all suicidal and shit, ask God for help! He has and always will be our present help in the times of need.


And hey, don’t say you’ll never love again or let your heart be taken, or fall for someone else ever in your life. Nah! After all, according to Jason Mraz, “it’s your God-forsaken right to be loved” (I don’t know about the ‘God-forsaken’ part tho). And I think the first step (in what may be a series of steps tho) is chucking the deuces to that messy messy situation you're in (and today seems like a good day to start, don't ya think?!)

So this is it! It’ll gladden my heart to know that I’ve been of help again… do write to tell me how!


And no I didn’t forget - to all the dudes who are girlfriend/wife-beaters or abusers in other kind of ways… “y’all jus a bunch of pussy cats!” *in my Weezy voice*

+ if the situation is the other way round, and you’re a dude on the receiving end (of the abuse, that is)… well, read and apply to yourself! Love ya!