On that issue of BATTERING THE WIFE noni…

Once upon a time…. err, scratch that…

Even with my ears plugged with Chop Suey’s ‘System of a Down’ almost causing me a headache, I could still hear the bang bang sound. In my mind, I was like ‘way to go! Someone’s fancying some hyper music like me too tonight’! *checks the time* 00:00! What tha?! That’s not cool… listening to such loud music this late… I was ready to go knock on that nigga’s door! *removes headphones* err… it’s no loud music, but is sure is loud banging… it’s banging someone against the wall and floor! That nigga beating up his wife… again!

*goes with my friend and knocks on their door* *nigga opens door and throws wife out* What I saw moved me to tears… half of her face was swollen and bruised! Hair disheveled; skirt torn… what kinda life is that?!! Then she starts trying to push the door back open, screaming she wants to carry her baby (that poor kid isn’t even a year old yet)… *sighs* Then the door opens a little and she puts one arm through… nigga starts to close the door against her arm, tryna break it! Oh snap! That’s where I started to scream, “would you move yourself outta the way and not let this dude injure or kill you for your baby?!” Cos if she dies or gets handicapped, dude gonna marry another and another and another..!

… eventually wonderful husband comes out after plenty pleading by other neighbours for him to open the door and bring the baby out. He meets me first, close to the door (“one day they go just break your head, I no know which one be your own!”, that’s what you’re saying, right? – my exact thoughts… lol). Anyways, at that point, I had to move back, not from fear… but mehn! that dude reeks of alc! Nigga drunk!!! Nigga got high on Gin, I done see the bottle lying on the floor of their room…

So I’m like “Baba Lagbaja… ah ahn! You’re a man now, things don’t have to be like this… bla bla bla” I’m sure dude wasn’t even listening, I doubt if he could even see me sef. When the guy go open him mouth talk, he said it was self-defense! Lmfao!!! What self-defense? Self-defense from what, abi who?! This woman wey you almost don destroy her career?! Ok… wetin she do? I thought the dude would say she carried a gun or knife, or omorogun or some… his word “she started holding my shirt and asking if it’s true I have girlfriends outside”… hahaha! And that made you batter her life like she was some doughnut in the making!

Then I pulled him to the side… dude, (and this is also for you guys out there beating your girl/wife like she was born to be beat) things don’t have to be like this… I know us girls can be really annoying sometimes, but it doesn’t have to result to beating… whatever anger you have can be channelled some other way… I mean what happened to ‘aggressive sex’ (I’m quoting someone o) and talking things over after roof-raising climax! And I told him if it has come to that point where y’all don’t got love for each other no more, find a way to dissolve things. Then the guy started lecturing me… if my husband had a girlfriend, will holding his shirt do any good? In my mind, I’m thinking why won’t she hold your shirt, after you’ve slept with two of her friends (which btw, resulted in a scandal that made them leave their former apartment)… you wan make the girl craze ni?!

Anyways, me I really pity those that get beat by their men! It’s so not nice. Word – if your boyfriend has started beating you from now, slap your ‘bata’ together and run like your life depends on it … oh wait a moment… it actually does! And to you
whose man didn’t show his battering skills until marriage! Ha! God be with you, sister!