Bottle. Sip. Bottle. Guzzle.

Another Friday is here... word has it that some people have plans for Vodka, Cognac and some peppered ish. Others have already started with the sipping, leaving the guzzling for later in the day. Some don't have plans yet while others, well.. others are still working so hard forgetting today's Friday... quit already! and start with an early weekend now (or in the next 2 hours, depending on when you read this). A particular individual jus' asked if I had plans myself... oh I do, I sure do! Wanna know? 2 words - bed, fling.

Anyways, this blog isn't about my plans, it's about you. Piece of advice before you go on the BSBG trip (check blog title for meaning of that) - no, make that pieces of advice - from the goodness and kindness of my heart (yeah, I can be all that), I have a few points I wanna make (just to help you o) before you go on your drinking spree tonight (not that I'm encouraging any of you to drink)...

Fine Clothes & Shoes --- Check

The Car --- Check

The Club --- Decided, hence Check

The Gang --- Well (if you move in packs), Check

The dough, bar, cheddah, loot --- Check, double

What else? Everything else sha --- Check

1. If you know you wanna get stupidly drunk tonight (or any other night), don't take that girl you've been eyeing (and hoping to seriously get with) for weeks along.

2. If you stupidly took the girl along, don't puke on her or in her presence, excuse yourself before you pour your guts out.

3. If you stupidly puked on her, and she doesn't talk or wanna meet with you ever again cos she's mad, don't act all immature and be stronging face when next you see her cos you think you did nothing wrong by puking on the poor thing.

4. If you stupidly asked for a one-night stand or a thousand one-night stands but she refuses, don't buy her one bottle of Malta Guinness all through 12am-4am just cos she said no. That's not punishment, it just further shows how stupid you are.

5. And finally, if you do stupidly get drunk and somehow get the one-night stand (and maybe more), don't brag about it to your friends. There's no pride in that, do not be deceived.

As for the girls, one point only --- don't go out with a person you're not properly acquainted or friends with (and don't get stupidly drunk too).

*rubs palms together* And with that, I think... I have spoken! Oh yeah, my plans with the bed and fling? Relax y'all, it's just me in bed with a novel titled 'Fling'!

Nota Bene: I know I used a lotta 'stupidly's, don't take it personal amigos! Mwaaah!

WHAT WOMEN WANT...

Happy belated Mothers' day to all the mothers in the world (the ones that can actually be called 'Mothers', that is)...

So yesterday was fun in church, a lotta singing and dancing by the mothers. I sighed a coupla times - no need to ask why, right?!

Anyways, straight to the point (I have other things to attend to this morning... like NOTHING!).

WHAT WOMEN WANT - No, this is not Part 2 of that flick where Mel Gibson possessed that thought-hearing ability, that i totally envy by the way! This is a very short sermon from yesterday; aside from the Pastor encouraging all the married men to take their wives somewhere nice and spoil them, he also gave them an insight of the things/qualities women want in their men. I thought this might be useful to the dudes, married, unmarried or about to be married (whichever category you fall into):

1. A PLANNER

Most women do not appreciate a sloppy man (at least I don't). My man has to be neat and have things in order from his clothes to his schedule, his work things to home things. I'm sure you know what I mean. So, while some women might overlook the disorderliness of their men and think it's their God-given duty to pick up after him (which is not entirely true), most women will not appreciate a Sloppy Joe (not the food)

2. A PROACTIVE MAN

If you're passive and your woman is not showing any sign of boredom or concern, then she's getting all the action elsewhere. Women love men who can control a situation whatever it is, not a man who is lacking in energy or will.

3. A RESPONSIBLE MAN

I know a couple of girls who when they're men are acting immature and stuff, they withdraw. Like totally be unresponsive. A responsible man gets a responsive woman. Simple

4. A COMPANION

Have you ever heard where girls say 'I wanna get married to someone who's my friend'? Yeah, that's how it's supposed to be. You don't just marry cos you saw him/her and fell head over heels, and shakalakaboom-boom straight to the altar! NO! Women (and I'm sure men too) want their husband to not just be the father of their kids, but also a companion, a friend, helpmate, playmate... someone they can share their joys and fears with.


5. A PRESENT HUSBAND

I don't know which one is more annoying (and I hope not to find out) - the absent husband, or the absent-minded husband?! Whichever one you've been, you should look to change now from this minute! Your woman says she wants to tell you something, you tell her to go ahead... she goes on and tells you stuff, maybe about her work or something that's bothering her, and when she's done you go like 'ehn, what did you say... sorry I was trying to sort this thing'! She goes like 'Never mind'.... OR the more active woman gets really mad and starts to remind you of how absent-minded and uncaring you've been for a long while now. Be present, not just for her, but for the sake of your marriage. Mark attendance everytime your name is called by your partner. You'll be surprised how some things will be sorted out without the usual argument.


So now, my work here is done... see you on the next blog.

To be excessively polite is the ultimate rudeness

- Anon.

When you don't understand a situation, that usually means you are missing something important. If you are missing something important, that means you have a blind side. If you have a blind side, you could get your ass shot off when you are least expecting it.

- Strangers, Dean Koontz

Gulliver's Travels

Errr... this blog is not about the fictional Englishman who travelled to Liliput, was bound by the tiny little easy-to-stamp-his-feet-on-and-crush (did I say tiny?) people, etc... Nahhhh! Jonathan Swift has nothing to do with the writing of this blog... I have everything to do with this blog! And the travels are all mine - yeah, that's right!

Some of you know that I finally took the big step days ago, shipped my ass back to Ago-Iwoye and packed the rest of my stuff back to Lagos. Goodbye to Ago (at least for now)! Without further unnecessary story, let's talk about my travels, shall we?

JOURNEY ONE

I decided to take the Oshodi route so I can get to the campus early. The plan was to meet my Supervisor and get done with the project thing. The bus gets fuller on time at Oshodi than any other place else, right? WRONG!!! But that's story for Journey 2. So I got into Oshodi bus from Iyana Ipaja, and this woman sitting in front of me kept urging me to come so she can lap me all the way to Oshodi. O_o huh? Lap me ke! When I kept ignoring her, she switched to a school kid who also wisely ignored her. What was all that about?! I dunno o!

JOURNEY TWO

First Garage - Just one woman inside the bus, sleeping and drooling all over the seat. No way am I gonna get into that bus! Fortunately as I was still thinking of what to do, a coursemate also arrives and we quickly decided to go climb the bridge and go over to the second garage.

Second Garage - *breathing heavily* Why does all Oshodi garages reek of urine?! F**king hard to breathe! A coupla people in the bus, I took my usual beside-the-driver seat. 30 minutes later, still trying not to completely consume the urine-reeking air via breathing, we're still sitting in the bus and it's not full yet! Lesson Learnt - Don't be eager to try new things, sometimes the old routine and old-fashioned way will do just fine!!! In other words, I shoulda f**king gone to Berger!

JOURNEY THREE

This was the Ultimate Search Journey. The quest to find 2 cabs for hire that will transport mine and my roommate's stuff to Lagos at a err... subsidised rate! First town, first garage, no luck with the subsidised rate. Second town, second garage, still no luck. Same town, private transporter - timing was not working for us; dude did not know how bad we wanted to leave Ago Iwoye and move on with our lives. So we gave him the one-digit salute... on to the next one. Same town, another private dude - subsidised rate at last!

THE GREAT JOURNEY

Who left Ago for Lagos 3:15 a.m. ? (Hint: Two girls who want to enjoy a journey devoid of a thousand stops by the 'men in black' and plenty other not-so colourful uniforms the Lagos State Government has come up with for their other agencies that also do nothing specific other than put their men on the roads to stop vehicles and at the end of plenty verbal hassle, collect a bribe. So, my roommate and her cab leaves at 3:15 a.m., mine leaves at 4:20a.m. Yes, I was scared shitless. I mean, anything could happen - it's a lot of bushes jungle between there and Lagos. But yeah, Dieu merci, even tho I didn't meet any Liliputians neither did I get ship/buswrecked (thank God!), one thing I did get was ... home! Safe and sound! *wide grin*

***
RIP to Linda - a friend and coursemate, who passed on last week :'(

Sunday, Sunday!

Happy Sunday... And to all the other folks residing in my estate, I say HOWWL!!! And for you that don't know what that means, I'll break it down.. Happy One Week Without Light!

I keep telling my friend that I wanna run outta Nigeria soon, not in search of greener pastures (well, partly cos of that) but mainly cos it jus' seems like things are getting harder here... I know, things are not a bed of roses over there either (wherever 'there' means to you); but the lack of power and almost a daily increase in prices of foods jus' makes living extremely hard here... do you agree?

Anyways, my friend keeps telling me to have faith... things will eventually get better. "When" is what swims in my head whenever he says that... but I don't ask him cos I'm usually too frustrated for an argument.

Talking about faith, the Pastor was talking some days ago about how we should activate our faith and put it into use to get things from God (or something like that sha). Anyways, she used Abraham as example, how he trusted God to the point where he was ready to sacrifice his only son, the same one it took him years before he finally had, the one him and Sarah bore in their old age... He had so much faith in God, trusted Him to know what's best for everyone; and was ready to butcher Isaac on the altar as sacrifice... At that point, I was thinking, if God put most of folks today to test like that, what would happen? I was imagining plenty responses in my head

GOD: My son, I need you to sacrifice your only child to me. That's what I want
YOU: Ehn! Lord, you mean that child you know it took me years before we got him?
GOD: Yes... the very one
YOU: Ha!

OR

GOD: My son, I need you to sacrifice your only child to me. That's what I want
YOU: Ehn! Lord, you mean that child that my wife went through hours of hard labour before she had him? The one that even after we had him, we spent loads of money on after-birth complications? The one we are glad that we have him cos my mother almost labelled my wife a witch for having miscarriages before him; they even almost sent me an illiterate from the village to be my baby-momma! Lord, is it that child - the one who has finally caused out home to be settled again - that you want?
GOD: Yes... the very one
YOU: Lord, Skype me when you're serious!

Hahaha... the weirdest things I think in church... Anyways, here's wishing y'all a wonderful week ahead. God's grace be upon y'all (like someone always tells me!)

xoxo

TEAMWORK/SYNERGY

I shoulda posted this since Saturday, but I've been extremely busy that I go to bed tired every night... Ok, so on Saturday I found myself in church, from 11am to 5:30pm - it was Singles' Encounter. We have it once a year, a programme for the Singles.

So between 11am and 5pm, a lot was taught and learnt; I thought of sharing the 'Finding The Mate Of Your Dream' and/or the 'Sex' lectures with you but I decided against it... I chose the Teamwork/Synergy lecture instead, by the Pastor's wife.

Before we start, I have a confession:
The speaker was not gonna talk about teamwork in relationships; I think she was gonna talk about it in the context of the workplace or the church, but it just worked better for me thinking and applying it in the relationship context  -__- END OF CONFESSION!

"Teamwork makes you do better than you're doing all by yourself" - Pastor Dele Olatona. Well said, Ma! It can't be said better than that, folks!

Synergy means working together, simultaneous actions of different/separate people/agencies which together have greater effect than when standing alone.

The true essence of synergy  is to value our differences, and still be in harmony. (Is everyone in a relationship listening to that? Y'all are going to have tiny little quarrels once in a while cos y'all were born, raised and believe in different things/values... but the beauty of it lies when you can get over the differences and still be in sync!)

A person who truly wants to synergise must possess certain qualities. (In my head, as I was taking down notes, I titled this part WHAT YOU GONNA HAVE IF YOU WANNA BE IN SYNC WITH YOUR MAN/WOMAN [as the case may be] *insert smiley face here baring set of white, well-arranged teeth*)

1. HUMILITY
2. OPENNESS
3. WILLINGNESS to learn in order to recognise our own perceptual limitations. Desire more to hear than to be heard.

Other points include
*Relationships are strengthened when diverse people respectfully listen and learn form each other
**Synergising rules out an unproductive relationship (I Cor. 12:14-26)
***Unity is not sameness; but oneness

And at this point, we come to an end... I'm sure you can also find this helpful in your various workplaces, or wherever else you want to apply it... Haapy Workers' Day... Happy Synergising...

(as for me? well, let's just say 'Sync in Progress...')