BEND-DOWN-SELECT UNDIES

My friend heard me screaming “That shit ain’t right!” He thought I was on one of my endless-chatter/scream sprees again… Took a while before he could get the reason for the screaming outta me.
Guys, have you ever dated a chick who has a penchant for second-hand, fairly-used, or in a more popular language, bend-down select clothes? Yeah? No? Well, I don’t have a problem with those chicks (cos na condition make crayfish bend)… the chicks I actually have a problem with are those that have a strong liking for bend-down-select underwear.

What is Bend-down-select Underwear?

This can be defined as the undergarment worn next to the skin and under the outer garments, however purchased probably in an open market, at a not-so-different-from-new-never-been-worn-by-any-other-person-underwear price; in which the buyer gives the excuse of its supposed durability and a longer lasting tendency as excuse for buying it. Oh, did I mention they smell like they’ve been mothballed since forever? Yeah, they do.

My Beef!

If I was a dude and I found out that 90% of my girlfriend’s undergarments are of the bend-down-select sort, I would so break up with her! Ok, I’m just kidding… I’d probably talk with her and ask her to discontinue use and pray she listens, or she’ll be listening to me complaining on and on for as long as I can till I can’t take it no more.

What? I haven’t stated what my beef is? Ok, my beef is that if I was making love to my girl in some bend-down-select underwear, I would feel like I was with 2 different women – the real owner of the bra, and my girlfriend. And as much as I know you guys dream/desire/love threesomes or 'moresomes', I’m sure you’d like to act it out for real, not make love to the other girl’s underwear; you know, real not imagined.

And then as a girl, it'd be like I've got some girl’s undies stashed in my wardrobe; and when I do put on the bra, I’d feel like I have a stranger-girl’s hands all over my boobs! Ugh! *thinks about it* Double ugh!!! And it’s not like they’re even cheaper or anything like that! I asked.

My friend can’t stop laughing… I’m beginning to laugh myself. Mehn… that shit crazy!
… and then he had to throw this bomb into the already messy situation… guess what he just asked? Are there fairly-used panties too? Do ladies buy those too? *screams* I don’t know, and I don’t even think I’m interested in knowing!!! THAT SHIT AIN’T RIGHT!!!!

A Certain 'Lalacious'

“Lalacious, would you hold my purse for me please?” I heard the lady standing too close for comfort to me say to her kid. “Hmmm… Lalacious, see your nose!” That was when I looked at the kid, and alas, the kid with mucous running down his nose was a boy! Who ever nicknames a boy “Lalacious”! Seriously, that kid is gonna be too in touch with his feminine side (in a very bad way). And who blames a kid for his own runny nose, poor thing couldn’t be more than 3! A responsibility as huge as knowing to take care of his own nose is too… huge for a boy of 3.

Anyways this lady kept making calls, too many calls if you asked me. And all the conversations were decorated with “Yes Sir”, “Oh! I shouldn’t worry? You got my back?” “Oh thank you so much Sir” “Yes, I need like 300 grand now” in what I’d say was a trying-to-sound-sexy voice. You’d ask what my business was with this lady? How couldn’t she be my business when (1) she was standing so close to me that she could easily breathe on, kiss or bite my neck if she wanted (depending on her preference), (2) the damn queue moved too slowly cos only one ATM was functioning cash-dispensing-wise! *sighs*

1 hour later, and it finally came to my turn… hallelujah, right? Well, not quite. Let’s just say the only thing I got out of that 1-hour stand was aching legs and back, oh and sunburn! Now I’m just laying up in bed, legs elevated, Yanni’s ‘The Mermaid’ streaming through into my ears.

Have a terrific Saturday, y’all… and in case you find yourself on a long ATM queue today? May my spirit be with you! xoxo

Print Friday!

I was goin’ through some of my old stuff when I found this drawing a friend of mine made for me like a year ago, I don’t know if he had me in mind when he was drawing that, but who the hell cares! She’s hot! So what does this drawing have to do with today’s blog? Hmm, lemme see… nada! no relations at all.

It’s another Friday, yep! Despite my words of advice 2 Fridays ago, some of you still went and got stupidly drunk and totally embarrassed yourselves, puking and pissing all over the place! What exactly gan-gan is your problem(s)? Don’t you know your limit, or is ‘No Limit’ your Friday night motto?! And don’t tell me you didn’t know you’d consumed so much cos of the Cranberry you mixed with your Hennessey. If sweet innocent Cranberry can still deceive you at this your age, then cover your face in shame!

So in this about-to-end week that we’re in, I’ve seen so much Ankara that I never want to see any more Ankara in my life! Well, at least not until it’s time to pick Ankara for my own wedding (which is, btw, still under probability – the Ankara, not the wedding). It’s like a lotta my friends + cousin suddenly decided to get married this June.

Can I indulge you? No? well, I’m going to anyways, sorry (even tho I’m not):

They are nice, ain’t they? Well, feel free to invite yourselves to ‘em weddings!

(In conclusion) Here’s wishing y’all a lovely Friday evening… Boys, if she starts to pull a Dita Von Teese in the club, run! I know they say flaunt it if you’ve got it; but if you got an infection detector, you’d probably not want to tap that ass. Girls … well, if he starts to strip in the club… do I need to tell you what to do?! No? Thought so!

Occupy Third Mainland Bridge, MAULAGites!

A resemblance of the #OccupyNigeria movement has been going down at the Third Mainland Bridge for some hours now... Unilag students no wan gree again o

Is it just me, or has someone else been thinking too that GEJ is trying to prove real hard to those that voted for him that they made a huge mistake?! Everything he seems to do is so not working!


The aggrieved students blocked the Adeniji end of the bridge, waving placards and demanding a reversal of the pronouncement which they claimed was done in bad fate. So as they continue to 'Occupy' Third Mainland Bridge, I solemnly declare that they have my full support! Oh yes! #teamAgainstUnsexyUnswaggerliciousSchoolName

Dearest Unilag Students,

This blog is to sympathize with y'all... I have always known that our President aint got much swag... but I never knew he'd extend his lack of swaggerness to your very renowed institution... I mean, Moshood Abiola University of Lagos... what the heck!!! That's just crazy...

I see y'all been protesting, I would if I was a student:

 

And I see a lotta jestin' been going down on FB and Twitter, and once again our dear GEJ is the center of it all... I would so not like to be his kid right now! Hahaha!

#rotflmao!

And finally, not like I'm laughing at you MAULAGites (hehe...), I just had to make this!!! 

Hahahahaha!!! Happy democracy day, MAULAGites... na una e affect most!

THE LIVING SPIRIT

Gen. 2:7 tells us that until the breath of God came into the first man, he was -at first - dead!
John 20:21 tells us that we need the Holy Spirit of God, the breath of God, to actually live.

WHAT THE HOLY SPIRIT IS NOT!

He is not an "it". He is not the wind, neither is He oil nor water. He is a person, the third in the Trinity.

My main focus for this blog are in Gal. 5:22-23, the fruits of the Spirit. God did not just give us charisma, He gave us character. Your gifts don't give you stability, your fruits do (i.e. your character). Remember the saying "they don't care how much you know, they want to know how much you care." 'Care' is a character. Hence, these characters are not only important to God, but also to men. You need these fruits to conquer yourself, and according to my Pastor "if you can't conquer yourself, you can't conquer the world." I totally agree.

Let's take a look at these fruits, shall we?

THE CHARACTERS OF THE BELIEVER

If the Holy Spirit lives within us, we must be able to show the following characters:

1. LOVE
This is a deep tender feeling of affection towards a person. You can hate what a person does, but you cannot hate the person. if you have the Holy Spirit in you, you have the capacity to love endlessly.

He that hateth his brother, the love of God is not in him. He that loveth not, knoweth not God.

2. JOY
An emotional dispaly of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good. If you have the Holy Spirit in your life, no matter how sad the situation is, you will always find joy within you... cos truth is, the things that God has and is still doing for us outweighs those things (we think) He has not done. No sad situation must tamper with the joy of Christ in our hearts. Isa. 12:3. Without joy, we cannot have access to the other things God has in store for us.

3. PEACE
An agreement/treaty to end hostility. Freedom from quarrels (in the household, in relationships, at the workplace etc.). Absence of war. Harmonious relationship with fellow men. To be quiet and have rest.

Follow peace with ALL men

4. LONG-SUFFERING
Two words, One phrase - Suffer long! It means to patiently endure wrongs or difficulties. To endure something unpleasant for a long period of time BUT being patient throughout.

5. GENTLENESS
This means to be considerate, amiable, soft, tender, mild, not harsh or severe. If you have the Holy Spirit in you, you will not be self-centered; you will treat others the way you want to be treated, and not be the root/cause of all mischief.

6. GOODNESS
The state or quality of being good. Moral excellence. Virtue. Kindly feeling. Generous. We must always strive to be a person of excellence in everything we do. Give everything your best.

7. FAITH
To be able to be trusted, depended and relied upon is one character that most people out there do not possess. Re-fill on your Holy Spirit, if you're a victim!!!

8. MEEKNESS
Uncommon patience. To be submissive and humble. This particular character actually takes the grace of God especially with wives, but we must not forget what have been commanded of us as women... be submissive. It is your God-given obligation.

9. TEMPERANCE
This one interested me the most. Self-control. Habitual moderation in regards to the indulgence of natural appetite and passion. Moderate indulgence. Restraint in conduct, expression and indulgence of desires. How many of us know when and how to STOP in everything - food, drink, sex etc. The Holy Spirit can help us if we don't have a clue. Greed will only put us into trouble, and make us a victim of our passion/appetite/desires.

Discipline yourself.

And so the sermon came to an end last night... Even though we come into contact with the Holy Spirit once we're saved, we need to go back again and again to top-up, re-fill, renew our dose so as not to be Satan's victims. We cannot say no to the devil, his temptations and trials, he was here on earth before us, he existed before we did; but the good news is the Holy Spirit was here before him! Haha! So, you get the Holy Spirit, you win!!!

LESS FUR, MORE SKIN

How's the weekend going, y'all? Enjoying the weather? I am...

Yesterday, I put up an update + a picture of a cat, a scary-looking cat to be specific... a very fur-less cat! Yup, you read right... a fur-less cat. What is a cat without its furs?! Well, you will soon find out... patience, patience. So, I was just doing some random 'googling' yesterday, and I came by this picture:

That's a Sphynx... One of the strange breeds of hairless cats. I didn't even know hairless cats existed *covers face in shame*... So, for others who didn't know too, I present to you 6 different breeds of hairless cats:

1. THE SPHYNX

Here's another picture of this strange-looking cat

Oh Jesus ... *sign of the cross* those eyes!!! Kinda reminds me of Cruella Deville.

2. THE DONSKOY

Sometimes confused for the Sphynx... I read that their genetic make-up differs; although this is also referred to as the Don Sphynx...

I mean, I see what's so 'Don' about this cat... look at the eyes and ears (especially of the one below), it almost speaks of its errr... 'Donnish Personality'

3. THE BAMBINO

Ladies, when next your man calls you 'Bambino'? Don't be deceived, he means you look like this:

Haha! I'm just kidding... But seriously, how could they even name a cat like this 'Bambino'. (Bambino by the way, means 'child' or 'baby' in Italian, French, Spanish etc.)

 Ugh!

4. THE PETERBALD

I have a couple of friends who go by the name 'Peter'; now please, please, please tell me how I'm not gonna have these images pop up in my head when I'm talking/reminded of them. I mean, someone goes like 'hey, Peter called last night...' and then pop pop! these come up:

(Apologies to all my 'Peter' friends out there, I mean no disrespect!)

5. THE ELF CAT

Cat breeders Kristen Leedom and Karen Nelson were the brilliant minds that came up with the Elf Cat - a hybrid consisting of the American Curl and the Sphynx.

Well, here it is... 

and:

6. THE UKRAINIAN LEVKOY

No offence, but this particular breed looks... French. To me. Something about them makes me wanna name 'em 'Jean-Pierre' and 'Pierre-Loius'

And this, 'Mama Inés'

And ... 'Papa Raphaël'

LOL!!!

Anyways, that's it for the 6 breeds of hairless cats... But seriously, if I want a cat? I don't know why on earth I'd wanna be 'pet-mother' to a fur-less cat... I'd rather get me something like this:

Now, this is what I call a cat; it's breed is called a 'Munchkin' (cos of its short legs) ... isn't it cute! Don't you just wanna hold and cuddle it, and hear it purr softly in your ears! Heck, I can go to bed with this cat!

That's it, I'm done with my cat-obsessing... enjoy your weekend, folks!