rAnDomm...

Na wa o… pekele pekele..! What or who is a role model? Simple question, this geh no fit answer! and she won the beauty contest o! Hmmm.. it’s one instant beauty pageant thing on teevee; if I was one of the judges? Her ass is so not winning! Buh she won! *sighs* How come I don’t ever get invited to stuff like that sef? My waka gats increase as from today!!! – new half-of-the-month resolution! Err… but wait o, what or who is a role model? *scratches head* Lol

So today’s been cool so far… my eyes see plenty things; buh the most interesting one was that guy in church. Dude sits behind me with his wife, both of ‘em do ‘anko’, green lace, not bad! Young couple, looking happy! The gist is whenever I looked back, the guy would wink at me! At first, I think say I dey imagine am ni o… then I looked again, same thing *wink wink*… eh! Blood of jisos! Inside shuuushhi! Men, una no dey try at all! Small time now, one woman or girl will come and be shouting on my head, she no go know say na her husband first wink o! So everytime I looked back, he’d wink at me… aren’t you wondering why I was looking back sef?! Hehehe… I was stealing glances at some creature, beautifully and wonderfully made, lovely haircut and beard!!! Gist for another day…

And then I visited two newly weds today… omo! got me thinking, me sef don reach to marry. I want to marry o! Prince charming come and find me… err… I take that back… I don’t want Prince charming (too common); Prince Rebel King, come and friggin’ find me before I change my mind!

Did this Nollywood star just pronounce ‘all’ as ‘hall’? Why we no fit rewind TV sef? Oya, #teamrewindtv, stand up! But I’m so sure that’s what he said sha… And why did they cut this Always advert? I liked the full song, now they cut it.. tseewww… not good to go jor!

Turkey peppersoup beckons… o daaabo!!!

: why LOVE faiLz!

Ehen!!! The church side of me came out today and I feel like sharing some with you guys… buh before that, can I say something? Yeah? I love my Pastor!!!

So this particular Sunday evening, we had our once-in-a-month Couples and Singles’ Seminar… truss na! church full die! Matters of love, soccer, sex always bring people together… me I just sit down for one corner dey observe and meditate… the Pastor was gonna talk about the things that make love fail – WHY LOVE FAILS?! Hmmm… interesting! Me sef go like know o.

Na so my able Pastor climb pulpit. WHAT IS LOVE?, he asks. Love is fondness for someone; a deep affection for someone or something; to love is to take delight in a person; when you love someone, that person makes your heart sweet – that’s why we call them ‘Sweethearts’ (I bet y’all didn’t know that!) You don’t trample on, abuse or toy with something or someone you cherish, and the simplest form of love is likeness.

Which brings us to the koko of the marra! Why do relationships and marriages fail? Why does a thing as wonderful as love fail? What are those things that cause the breakdown or failure of a once love-filled relationship?!

1. Haste/Hurry: Love must suffer long. True love is patient. Being in a hurry ejects love out of one’s heart. So if you’re impatient cos he isn’t able to buy you that Chanel purse yet; or cos she wants to wait till M before spreading the legs… me I don’t know for you o!

2. Envy: Envy is the inability to be happy/rejoice at someone else’s upliftment/promotion. Most partners are in a competition. You’d be amazed at the number of husbands that are envious that their wives are doing better than them! Like my Pastor said, if your wife earns more dough? Follow am spend am! Na una two get am! Shuuoooo!

3. Pride: Pride of the heart (e.g. not being able to apologise) and pride of the eyes (e.g. looking at your partner as inferior, unimportant or with contempt); both punctures and kills love fast! Yes! You’ll hear some men/women saying “I picked you from the gutter… bla… bla… more blah!” And so? Ehn? Gini? That one is no longer news na… You blind when you pick am from the gutter ni? Abi who are you trying to remind? And not being able to say “I’m sorry”? That’s totally not nice. I mean what’s in common “sorry”? *sighs*

4. Rudeness: What we all ignore is that when you’re rude to your partner, he/she seeks comfort and respect from external sources e.g. secretaries that can say ‘Yes Sir’ from now till kingdom come! The worst case of rudeness is that lack of respect in front of family and friends. Haba!

5. Self-centeredness: “Me, Myself and I” does not exist in love. True love entails thinking of the other person more than yourself. (hmmm… I hope someone is reading this!)

6. Anger: --- kills love. Love is not easily provoked. Love does not beat up his beloved. Physical, verbal, emotional, mental abuse are not a part of love. Once all that starts happening… you can like to talk to your legs and waka! And if you get angry easily? Always remember that “anger lies in the bowel of a fool”. I’m sure plenty of us don’t like to be referred to as fools.

7. Evil thoughts: I particularly like this one! I learnt that what you think of your spouse who is far away will most likely happen to him; telepathy thingz!!! If you think your spouse is having sex wherever he/she is, that kinda atmosphere can be created around him/her! So don’t use your evil and nasty thoughts to ‘kobalize’ your spouse!

At the end, things that help love then are patience, kindness, rejoicing and celebrating with your #winning partner, humility, respect, selflessness/sacrifice, endurance/long-suffering and good thinking (remember that car advert? Good thinking, good product! – shey na Toyota sef? I don forget jor.)

… churchy alter ego signing out…

: A GIRL’S ROOM, A GIRL’S LIFE

Ok ladies, get this… I just painted my nails a sweet pink and I feel so fly; guys would pay to kiss my nails now… lolz. So I’m in my room all alone and writing this is the only thing that’s not making me feel the lack of power supply. PHCN can really dull a girl’s day!

I’mma tell you a little about my room… it’s a typical student’s room; my walls are painted blue, like a dull blue; you see girls, once in a while, a girl’s gotta have dull days, (like I’m having right now thanks to PHCN!). Sometimes, we just have to sit down to meditate, think and chew a little on the past, present and how it can affect the future. Those are the times you just need to turn your phones off, plug in your I-Pods into those pretty ears, put on some slow rock and just meditate away. Trust me, a girl’s got to lose herself in the soothing dullness sometimes and think about how she’s gonna make it in life so some guy is not going to tell you in the future “I paid your bride price, I own you”. I do it all the time, ok not all the time; but I guess you get the gist already. Release yourself into the blueness sometimes and reflect on everything happening in your life, and what you want to be.

My floor! My floor is the most exciting part … I’ve got a multi-colored carpet covering it. Girls, we all know how exhilarating a life can be when it’s all multi-colored; when you’ve got the lovely cream, the teasing purple, the whoring red (no offence, but red is … whoring!), the mischievous black, the daunting olive-green, the daring orange, and so on. Multi-colored is just my favourite style, you can be lovely today, tease all the innocent boys tomorrow and they would not even be aware of it (not like any boy’s innocent anyways!), the next weekend you could be your dude’s pretty little mistress putting on that hypnotic, sexy blood-red lingerie, and then you can just be a mischief-maker letting everyone wonder why you’re dressed in all-black… it’s not mourning, it’s just you going goth and mysterious; or you could go olive-green, olive drab or do the camou, be THE official girl, yes, MRS. OFFICER! Lolest. You can get daring, “yeah I’m the brightest thang in this room (with your brightest orange shirt or top) and there aint a damn thing no one can do about it.” Did I mention that partying was part of the multi-colored package! It sure is, but easy on the booze, smooch and the flirting; you can make goo-goo eyes at the dudes but that’s where it’s gotta stop, ok?! I mean, we don’t want beer bottles to become baby bottles in a matter of months now, do we? Guess not!

As much as I love the splash-of-colours lifestyle, I’ve still got my ceiling directly above my floor, and it’s painted white! Anyone ever notice that the size of your ceiling is the size of your floor? Yea? If your ceiling’s not covering it, then it’s not your floor (except you’re outdoors though, and wolves could eat your little red riding hood out there). So white! I know everyone’s thinking of holiness and purity and innocence and stuff; and y’all are kinda right. My white days are those days that I just become this totally dumb, shy and innocent girl … I mean those days I don’t even know the meaning of boys, booze or burger. It’s kinda hard to achieve, but those are the days I go to a party or the club and I don’t move an inch form where I’m seated unless it’s time to go home. I don’t dance, talk to anyone, drink or socialise; I just “give myself brain”. It doesn’t mean I’m unhappy or anything, it’s just crawling back into my shell and watching; and I’ve realized that those times, I notice very small things from facial expressions to body language to others’ emotions et cetera. So you girls might wanna try the white period… it leaves everyone wondering what’s going on with you and while they’re wondering, you’re noticing and learning hidden things. Of course, I cannot forget that this is the period that I also try to contact and make a link with my Maker… it’s totally weird, but I try to mind-talk with God and ask Him for a few favours.

Then of course, there’s the corner that I keep my kitchen things. Girls face it, a guy completely is crazy about a girl that knows how to dress, how to please, how to make him laugh and one that knows how to cook! I’m not talking about throwing things together, boiling and dishing it. I’m talking of knowing how to cut in the appropriate sizes, steam, cook and fry trying not to overdo it and dishing properly, almost making the dish too beautiful to eat. It’s a double plus for every girl; God knows I’m trying to get there myself.

There’s the corner I keep my books; school books, jotters, novels, dictionaries and stationeries. A pretty girl with empty head and bad diction just pisses me off. That’s why the men think we’re useless except for bed affairs. A brilliant chick will turn heads any day, anytime and anywhere plus you’ll be so proud of yourself. Self-esteem boost activated!

Also, there’s the TV, DVD Player and Speakers’ position in the room; a girl’s gotta keep in touch. Be aware of what’s going on in your society, watch the news, and don’t forget the movies, it’s cool to know what movies are bursting the blocks!

Finally there’s my make-up and cosmetics rack. Don’t let the cobwebs redecorate your make-up area for you, don’t wait for a friend to tell you that you look boring or drab before you become friends with your hair and face things; don’t overdo it though, heavy make-up lets everyone notice you, and usually not for the best!

At the end of my room description, I know many of you would think my room is in a chaos of colours; but last I heard, colour-riot was in vogue, haterz! I’m about to host some girlfriends, juicy gist coming your way soon.

Badly Drawn Dobs: STRANGER'S EYES

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Badly Drawn Dobs: NUBIAN QUEENS

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MANNEQUINS

I've seen about three movies where mannequins at stores and boutiques come alive, start chattering and laughing and stuff; so I'm guessing mannequins wanna become full of life and have a taste of life's goodies ... smh ... if only they had an idea!

On the reverse side, I wonder what it'd feel like to be a mannequin; turn white (or whatever colour of mannequin I fancy), be at a stand still, be blind, deaf, dumb, unfeeling and unaware. As a mannequin, I can think of numerous things I would be enjoying (but not know I'm enjoying). For instance, I can try out all sorts of clothes including undergarments and eye wears, foot wears, gloves and be really fly everyday with a thousand eyes checking me out; and I would not even have to worry about what to wear cos it would be already picked out just for me. I would be saved from before and after-work hours traffic and I would know no hunger, thirst or any sort of cravings. I would not feel physical pain nor discomfort. I would not be weighed down by the aches and pains of betrayal of heartbreaks not live in the fear of possible fuck ups and let-downs by close friends and family members!

But then I thought about it; thousand of things I'd be missing and denying myself of if I were a mannequin. Like wear those fancy clothes to a party, show off and possibly get kicked out for being hyper-naughty. I'd never be able to perceive the fresh-from-the-shower natural fragrance of my boyfriend's body which gets me like half-tipsy half the time (in a very positive and leading-to-other-things way *wink*), and I won't be able to hear him say "I love you" or hear him whisper to me "Do you have the license to carry all that milk?" with that wide, silly grin on his face, heck! I won't even be able to see the grin. And I won't feel the love of family and friends (turns out there's still quite a few of them that love me still). Plus it would be a pity if I can't try out that toilet with the air-conditioning and cable TV. And most of all, I won't be able to eat ponmo! What tha?! That would be like the end of me!

... but then life would be so ... lifeless being a mannequin, no worrying or having to decide what dinner will be (I hate that when I have to do it!), or listening to "someone's" endless whining and nagging ... oh well!

My Lost Ring

Oh dear ruby ring,
How I miss thou;
All I wanted to do was sing,
But I had to struggle, bend and bow;

Amidst the crowd and commotion,
Trying to stand straight even with the nausea;
Unsettled was the description of the situation,
At that point I no longer wanted to be here;

Then came the time to assemble,
I wondered what the rush was about;
Peeps pushing, I could crumble,
My body was in a state of drought;

Little did I know I wouldn’t get past stage one,
That I would also lose you, my precious;
I finally got into a room, thank God!
I gulp the clean air so superfluous;

That was when you called out from afar,
“Mama, mama, I’m gone, miss me, miss me!”
I raised my dainty left hand,
What I saw almost made me weep;

I saw nothing! You were gone,
How you fell off, I cannot explain;
But they called on me and I had to move on,
To no one I could complain;

None has replaced you and none can,
My jewellery compartment is incomplete without you;
So is my middle finger,
Promise to never forget you.